Another Truthless Day

Mobile 4

2008-07-19T17:33:00.000-06:00

Text spacing test
Number 1

Mobile blog 1

2008-07-19T17:31:00.000-06:00

This text belongs under the picture

Mobile test 2

2008-07-19T17:29:00.001-06:00

Mobile test 2

Mobile test

2008-07-19T17:25:00.000-06:00

Dramatic Chipmunk

2007-06-25T16:31:00.001-06:00

This is the future of our republic. And here is the link to the (obviously) Japanese television bit it is ripped from. And of course, the Dramatic Chipmunk Pervert. The chipmunk is however played by a prairie dog.

The First Republican Debate: An Experiment In Live Blogging

2007-05-03T18:11:00.000-06:00

Red ties a plenty they are lined up to convince me that Bush is wrong, but not too wrong.

6:17 - McCain really wants to attack Iran. And he get's Iran and Iraq confused, that seems to happen often lately huh?

6:18 - Tancredo of all people (my congressman), learns me some about Extreme Islam. It looks like he could use some Extreme Mountain Dew to stop mumbling.

6:20 - Is President Bush partly responsible for our problem? Answer: Let's avoid that.

6:20 - Romney, I will name every Muslim sect and hope I hit on one you already fear.

6:21 - McCain no likey Tancredo, but back to that tall islamic dude I will "follow to the gates of hell"

6:23 - Apparently everybody but Huckabee fears the Terminator. Protectionism, or Self Protectionism?

6:25 - Surprise, Giuliani thinks he was a good mayor, and fair to everybody, except ferret owners, fuck ferrets.

6:29 - Ron Paul: I want to kill the IRS?

6:30 - Surprise, everybody hates Roe v. Wade!

6:30 - Guiliani thinks this is a federalist government, he still doesn't know what Republican means does he!

6:30 - WOW, Tommy Thompson thinks abortion is a state's rights issue.

6:32 - Romney's second invoking of Reagan. The "I am the reincarnation of your golden god Ronald Reagan" has begun. And Romney explains that flip flopping is good when republicans do it. Which means that crap Dems will jump on a has been insult and use it until they realize that nobody wants last years political insults.

6:35 - McCain, why are you like Reagan? Answer: I'm old, I have experience, I know everything.

6:37 - Ron Paul, give me a Unified Field Theory of terrorism.

6:38 - Tommy Thompson, Do you hate fags? Answer, a little, but I am not going to say it.

6:39 - Romney: We want to choose a leader not based on what church they go to. Secret Meaning: I'm a morbot and please don't hold it against me.

6:40 - Brownback quotes "Senator Lieberman, a jew" to defend God in government. Nice one Brownback, very shifty.

6:43 - Gilmore, if elected president, will we have to deal with more Karl Rove? Answer: That's not the point, the point is various other things that aren't that question.

6:44 - Tancredo, same question. Answer: I don't like Karl Rove, and "I have never been this close to Air Force One" and I think I have an erection right now.

6:46 - Chris Matthews to Thompson: Say something, anything. Answer: I am in love with Ronald Reagan.

6:47 - To Brownback: Why is your party so corrupt? Answer: Hey, the Dems are corrupt too.

6:49 - Tancredo: I am not a centrist, neither was Reagan. Hint Hint!

6:49 - McCain gives me more Reagan Love Strokage.

6:50 - McCain will cut various miltary programs, BUT, he supports the troops lots and lots.

6:51 - Huckabee won't give Bush a grade on Iraq.

6:52 - Guiliani, your nuanced on abortion. Explain this complex idea of nuance. Why can't you just make your answer a simplistic sound bite I can print easily without having to type that much because I am a lazy journalist.

6:54 - Tancredo, I deserve to be here because I say plain non-political shit because I never actually want to win.

6:55 - McCain, give me a non-plain political answer to immigration that is totally the thing Tancredo just insulted.

6:57 - Ron Paul, name a moment that you had to make a quick critical decision. Answer: I think I will just drop the ball on this one as if I didn't understand the implications of what I just did.

6:58 - Thompson: I however will not drop the ball on this one, I made snap decisions all the time so I am clearly more qualified than that guy that can't even get into the next debate for reasons that are now more clear than ever.

6:59 - Embryonic Stem Cell research funded by the goverment OR please insult the wife of your golden god Ronald Reagan.

7:02 - Romney likes his health care work and he's funny. Somebody's winning.

7:03 - Why is McCain saying everything in that "read my lips, no new taxes" tone of voice.

7:04 - Romney parrots his favorite line about loving to veto things. Yay.

7:05 - Brownback references being killed in a DOA joke and proceeds to creep everybody out.

7:06 - Thompson goes the flat tax route. That's always NOT popular.

7:07 - McCain gives me more tax hating love.

7:08 - Ron Paul can you be more extreme in your tax ideas? Answer: No, I think I will make this my most sane answer of the night thank you.

7:09 - McCain give me some non-Lieberman Dems for your cabinet. Answer: I will name no one, no one.

7:10 - Do you believe in evolution? McCain, yes. Romney, no, surprise. Special Note: We are the country with the lowest number of it's citizens who believe in evolution.

7:11 - Guiliani, what is the difference between Sunni and Shia? Answer: Your not gonna fuck me, we figured out a few months ago that we have to know this shit now.

7:15 - Guiliani, what is your greatest weakness? Answer: I will fish for 30 seconds for multiple ways not to answer that sir.

7:16 - Tancredo: Will you protect womens rights (as in abortion)? Answer: I like womens rights, but, not reproductive rights. So, that would be a NO my dear congressman!

7:18 - National IDs Mr. Guiliani? Answer: Yes! I have done a lot of great work in security! Um, 9/11???

7:19 - Romney agrees, welcome to the police state kids. Show me your papers!!

7:19 - Brownback disagrees, and I still don't care who this guy is.

7:20 - McCain is for it, Ron Paul against it, surprise. Tancredo is against it. So, everybody who has no chance of winning is against it. Great!

7:21 - Oh, apparently it's only for the immigrants says Romney, Guiliani and Thompson. Xenophobia is now an American Value.

7:24 - Shivo, let's do it. Romney: Family yes, congress no. Brownback: "Her life is sacred". McCain: "In retrospect we acted too hastily". Guiliani: "courts".

7:25 - Would it be good for America for Bubba to be back in the White House? Answer: Are you crazy and why are you wasting our time by asking this question?

7:27 - Course correct, how will you be different? OR How will you NOT insult the current president? Answer: I will veto, Homeland Security, states rights, trade laws yadda yadda. Brownback actually agrees with Biden on Iraq but won't say it. More private health care, foreign relations, 9/11, 9/11, Guiliani was mayor on 9/11, 9/11, I have been brainwashed, 9/11, 9/11.

7:31 - Reagan, Reagan.

7:32 - I'm spent.

Wonkette's Live Blogging

And now the aftermath. Mentions of Reagan, 16 times, surprisingly low. Mentions of Bush, 4, not surprisingly low. I liked the format. I liked the whole moderator at a podium while another guy walks up on you and assaults you with another question and another guy waits at a desk covered in monitors to throw out the weird questions. It captured that rapid fire, multiple points of interest style that Chris Matthews is (in)famous for. I have heard lots of criticism about it in the past by such people as Jon Stewart, which I do agree with on the basis that it doesn't provide, much like tonight, for long form answer. But, in today's politics, which was so obvious in tonight's debate, when you give these party clowns too much time, they just run around in circles like my sister's retarded cat chasing it's tail. They proceeded to bitch and moan after the debate that they weren't given the time to explain their points fully. But, when they found themselves with even 2 seconds left they just repeated talking points over and over like an eighteen year old boy after his first fire fight suffering from PTS. Well, except for Mitt "The E-Meter Told Me So" Romney and Tom "Tommy Tanks" Tancredo. These guys frighten me. They frighten me because they are smart, they make their argument without repeating what the print out said. They also have the added appeal of the random pause, they will pause mid sentence and actually think about their answer. This is a technique in speaking that is not present in today's politics. They are smart, smart and wrong.

UPDATE 1: On the note of the evolution question. It was Brownback, Huckabee and (surprise) Tancredo that do not believe in evolution. My fucking congressman doesn't even believe in evolution. And Chris Matthews made a depressingly inaccurate statement as to it by saying, "I think that most Americans believe in evolution". No, you potato(e) eating scream junkie, the majority do not and it saddens me. I will go cry now.

Barack Obama's Myspace Page

2007-05-03T02:52:00.000-06:00

There is a wonderful battle that has taken place for our new internet century. I like Barack Obama. I would totally vote for him were it not for the fact that the primary will be decided long before I, in Colorado, get a say. On Myspace I was on Barack Obama's friend list. That was until it was decided by his people and Myspace that the person that has worked on it for the past two years deserves no compensation or involvement of any kind. Joe Anthony had labored on the page even before Obama had made a decision to run. And honestly after his performance at the first debate, I'm still not convinced that he is running. Joe Anthony and the Obama people had a nice working relationship at first as Joe racked up the friend list and the subsequent press coverage. The Obama campaign in it's infancy did not have much interest in it until that press coverage started rolling in about Myspace playing a role in the election. And so, and I am just making a very good guess here, they wanted to control the message further, they decided they wanted sole control of the page. Ever since that key note address at the convention I have liked Obama for his non-politician-ness (yeah, I say it's a word). But, if you are going to run for president, you need people around that know how to make you one. And they want to control every aspect of that image and message. Like say not having tons of pictures flying around of you smoking (I took this one from Wonkette, I didn't really search that hard though). So, Joe wanted a little scrilla for his troubles. I mean, approving 140,000 friend requests takes some time outta your life if you don't want a million webcam hoes throwing up ads on your deal. Joe Trippi parlayed what he did for Howard Dean on the internet into a whole career. And I don't think Joe Trippi has 140,000 friends. But, rather than pay anything to Mr. Joe Anthony, Obama's guys decided to just go straight to Myspace. Myspace decided to just hand it over to them apparently listing as their argument that since the url - www.myspace.com/barackobama was in Obama's name, he could have it. Well Myspace, I want the url to my name. An 18 year old girl in Jersey has it and I may one day run for president so hand it over. Now, you might say, well, he did run it under another guy's name. But, he said right there on the page that it wasn't Obama running it. And let's be honest here, I don't think Hillary is sitting around approving friend requests and replying to emails on Myspace. So, really it ain't as if she is technically running hers either. And Joe was for a time technically running it in their name. Also, I happen to also have Charles Darwin and Federico Fellini as friends too on Myspace. Let's just assume they are not being run by those dead guys and Myspace has no issues with that either. Otherwise, we have a whole other super cool Ghost In The Machine thing going on here. Myspace returned the page itself with the 160,000 friends to his power. I recommended to him that he turn it into a Mike Gravel Myspace. That way Mike Gravel would instantly have more friends on Myspace than any other candidate, and he needs the help and won't mind I don't think.

Wonkette article
Daily Kos article
Tech President article
What had been Obama's Myspace
Joe Anthony's Myspace

UPDATE 1:
Joe Anthony's radio interview today. Which the radio hosts over-dramatize the concept of the big bad presidential candidate "swooping in and stealing" this "little guy's" internet site. During of course which they demonstrate a painful lack of knowledge about the internet(s) as whole and social networks in general. But, they do touch upon a point that they make about as badly as I did as to the fact that Obama has embraced the non-politician image. And this was the act of a pure politician at work.

"The Commander Guy"

2007-05-02T22:09:00.000-06:00

Apparently no longer satisfied with the self declared moniker "The Decider", today in his 'splaining as to his veto of the spending bill for the Iraq conflict/ war/ death vacation/ civil war, he decided on an entirely new name by which most of us will now mock him by. As to his veto of the bill that would give him all the money to make war that he wants, provided he only plays war for a period of time set by congress. “The question is, ‘Who ought to make that decision, the Congress or the commanders?,’’ President Bush said. “As you know, my position is clear – I’m the commander guy.” Yup, The Commander Guy. Do you notice that his own self styled nicknames have become less and less associated with that of a President? The congressional vote to surpass the veto fell short, no surprise there. Today the leaders of "the opposition party" met with "The Commander Guy" to begin the co-op photo-ops.

NY Times article
MSNBC Article
HuffPost Article

Mission Accomplished...... Let's veto.

2007-05-01T06:23:00.000-06:00

Happy Anniversary Mr. President.

Mission Accomplished May 1, 2003.

First, the quote-

Now, a little funnier-

And now, Peter Jennings tells it the way it was. Take special note of the fact that this report is filed by Bob Woodruff who in the future would go on to lose half his face while reporting in Iraq.-

Mission accomplished and yet your going to veto? Really? Really, really?

Lessons For Presidential Candidates #1

2007-04-26T19:34:00.000-06:00

I will try to make this a running thing. You know, since I am going to all the trouble of numbering it and all. And I think it bears mentioning due to the shear stupidity of the story. Republican presidential hopeful Mike Huckabee needs to have that old conversation with his son about the birds and the bees, and "walking on a plane with a loaded gun". Now, he has a concealed carry permit and all, and apparently this form of crime only carries with it a $100 fine or some such crap. But really? Who does that, who (especially if daddy wants to run the free world) walks through airport security with a friggin' gun. Now, he says it was an accident and he picked up the bag and brought without knowing the gun was within. That seems sensible. If your retarded! Can a human being with the right to control their own life really be so gun happy that he just forgets where he put his gun, and extra loaded clip? Now I don't think there was any malice in this obviously, I just think this kinda guy should be required to wear a special hat of some color, so we can clearly identify who these people are.

AP Story - Huckabee's Son Arrested With Handgun

Pearl The Landlord

2007-04-23T18:18:00.000-06:00

A rich, paid to be funny guy pretends to be a regular guy making a funny video for the internet. This would be sad and anger me with it's uselessness. Were it not for it being totally funny. I am still attempting to understand a great mystery of the universe that this video begs the question of. How is it that Will Ferrell successfully never made me laugh once during the whole of his 7 years on SNL, only to be funny in everything he does now? Is it possible that he was just fucking SNL the whole time by keeping these ideas to himself? He (his production company) started the Funny Or Die website for just such internet videos. And accordingly, has prevented YouTube from carrying it. So I have tried to embed it here from their site. But, it plays automatically. And so, as soon as it starts annoying me I am deleting it. But, the link below will remain for all to see.

Pearl The Landlord - Video
USA Today Story
TV Squad Story

What Is The Soundtrack Of Genocide?

2007-04-23T17:58:00.000-06:00

The picture is entitled, "Female member of Mursi tribe in Southern Ethiopia". I know what your thinking. That's it, I'm getting rid of mine, AK-47's have just gotten too trendy now. Now, after the usual five minutes of research I find that the Mursi are indeed not into the whole genocide bit. They are in fact being displaced off their land against their will by a government that coerced them into signing their land into a national park. But really, "What Is The Soundtrack Of Governmental Displacement" just doesn't sound as good.

A La Boing Boing

The Secret Service Shoot Themselves In The Foot

2007-04-17T20:15:00.000-06:00

Today at the White House while the President was away from home, the kids were careless. The President was at the services in Blacksburg, VA today, fulfilling his duties as what some have called Mourner In Chief. Today at a security post near the southwest gate of the White House, a secret service agent accidently had his firearm discharge injuring one agent in the face with shrapnel, and another agent in the leg. So, let's see, since their creation after the McKinley assassination they have had a fun history of not actually doing anything of any real noticable value (except once, and I am not going to count that one for the reason that the men involved were not actually called Secret Service at the time). So let's see, saving Kennedy, no, the other Kennedy, no again. President Johnson even flirted with firing them all after that and replacing them with FBI guys. President Ford, well, how hard can it be to protect someone from a crazed Manson girl with a shaved head that doesn't even know how to fire a gun proper. How about Reagan? Not really, Hinckley missed the kill shot at like 3 feet away. After that, wow, they fell on the President, and the shooter. And now, they can't even protect themselves from shooting themselves.

Two Secret Service officers injured at White House

Dave Chappelle's Six Hour Set

2007-04-17T19:59:00.000-06:00

Chappelle broke the Laugh Factory's record for longest set last Sunday with a six hour set. Previously set by Dane Cook actually just a few days earlier. Apparently in response to the death of Dane Cook's father the previous month. Some cathartic thing or rather. Chappelle even racked up a nice little 2,200 dollar fine for using the "n-word" while doing a half hour routine on the banning of using the word at said club. The article below states that only twelve of the whole of the audience left in the duration of the set. There is not a known video of the set which is depressing because it was obviously that good.

Variety Article

Geraldo + O'Reilly + drunk immigrants = AWESOME!

2007-04-06T05:52:00.001-06:00

Just check out O'Reilly's forehead vein. That shit is gonna pop. I wonder which bitch would have slapped the other bitch first if this had escalated. My money's on Geraldo, he's been beaten down by neo-nazis and mother's of teenage pregnant plastic surgery nightmare "victim" goat fetish self harmers for so long, that this guy has gotta snap some time.

KAVINSKY - Testarossa Autodrive

2007-03-29T22:18:00.001-06:00

Now, I'm not really a music video guy. I don't really pay attention to them anymore. But, this song is awesome, but, I think it is only awesome in the context of the video. I tend to demand more than this from my electronic music. KAVINSKY is a zombie, from the eighties, sent here to drive fast, and drop mad beats. He is also touring with Daft Punk.

KAVINSKY at MySpace

Outside A Sold Out Arcade Fire Show

2007-03-29T22:09:00.001-06:00

Now, I have tried to like the Arcade Fire, and failed. I have the first album and I just can't get into it. But, many people do like them. And here is a funny short. Take note of the guy on the stoop. In my mind, that is Mark.

Sexual Consent

2007-03-29T21:58:00.001-06:00

Speaking of having to sign contracts for sex (read the previous post). Here is a funny little thing.

That "My Bloody Valentine" Chick.

2007-03-29T21:33:00.000-06:00

So, Tiffany here picks up a guy on the eve of Valentine's Day. He is promised some really crazy sex. Balls! He even had to sign a release form of sorts. Oh, how I would love sex so crazy, I had to sign a contract to get into it, ya know? So, uh, yeah, then she cut a huge gash in his leg and drank his blood. Alright, that's a twist. When the police arrived, they found her, the knives (plural) and a pick axe of sorts. Oh, and of course, the release form and a paperback copy of The Eighth Circle (I'll let you figure out what that book is probably gonna fucking entail). Now, why can't I find a girl like this? No, I joke. But, considering her middle name "lachelle" and certain previous experiences I have had with ladies, I have a new rule for dating based on this. Never date a girl that has a first, middle, or last name beginning in "La". Typically it's a french lineage thing. And, based on what I have noticed up to this point, that "La" makes you a crazy person. And, the story itself get's a little better even. She has a site, and blog devoted to her. The guy (of course, a guy) is trying, currently, to contact her via "chanelling powers". So, that'll go well.

NBC news story
East Valley Tribune news story
Site devoted to her
Blog devoted to her

Richard Jeni 1957-2007

2007-03-29T21:13:00.000-06:00

There probably aren't too many people I know that would be able to pick out Richard Jeni in a group. But, I watched a lot of HBO when I was young. And I watched a great many one hour stand-up specials. And while many of the jokes were over my head, their were some comedians that I understood most of their material. Even though I was innocent to the sexual material, I got the toilet humor. And Richard Jeni's Platypus Man show imprinted itself on me. It is one of the great many things I saw as a kid, that I probably shouldn't have, that has shaped me into the person that I am. Now, while his last special on HBO was nothing special, it also wasn't anything to go feeding yourself a shotgun shell over. But, alas, that is how he decided to address his problems.

Richard Jeni's Wiki page
RichardJeni.com

I Must Be Emo

2007-03-03T19:40:00.001-07:00

Alright, this is not the original video I was told about by over a year ago. But, I am truly not going through hundreds of the same-ish videos on YouTube to find it. And I am posting this because now that I have already had to get a YouTube account to post the previous one, there will be a lot more of this. I laughed at this when I didn't even understand what Emo was. But, I already knew Hawthorne Heights sucked. That much I was sure of. This video is used unironically in that news report previously posted here. I realized some time ago that I was emo in high school. But, back then we called it goth. And it was when Marilyn Manson was original(ish). Back before My Chemical Romance started stealing from his make-up case. It was when we were made fun of for not having been listening to Bauhaus in 1983 when we were three. That was before AFI stole Apoptygma's whole look and got new second generation versions of his vintage synth setup since they couldn't afford the originals. But, again, and I feel I have to respond to this because of what so many people say to me in public these days: I am not emo. Nope, I was me, before emo ever was. So really, emo is just copying me. So fuck off.

I Must Be Emo- News Report

2007-03-02T17:58:00.001-07:00

I didn't think this video was going to be passed around as much as that Heidi chick I dated when I first saw it. But, after seeing it posted on every single music blog I read today, I decided to throw it up here for my own twisted sense of historic continuity. All I can say about this display of unintended satire in addition to the comments by the blogs that I link to at thte bottom here is this.... I need to cut my hair now.

The Modern Age
Idolator

Simian Rise To Power: A History

2007-02-03T18:51:00.000-07:00

Planet of the Apes is on the History Channel tonight. I am really losing respect for the History Channel. First it was alien autopsy shit. Then the UFOs. Then last week it's myth as history with two hours on Atlantis. Now, they're not even trying anymore. Now it's fictional future sci-fi. Now don't get me wrong. I liked the movie enough to have watched it like one and a half times ever. But, the premise even. Come on. The apes take over after nuclear fallout in the thinking of the origianl film. Mutually Assured Destruction isn't even possible anymore. This has been, I know, a sorry excuse for a post for a blog. But, I am just sick of seeing that rising phoenix picture every time I fire up Firefox. So, now it's apes.

Phoenix as blog, or blog as phoenix, I don't know.

2006-11-08T14:18:00.000-07:00

Due in large part to the election last night. This thing that sits here in it's small corner of the internets will continue I guess. Though, it's rebirth will be slow.

A "New" Direction?

2006-11-08T13:24:00.000-07:00

This is my response to a celebratory political email I recieved today...
Donald Rumsfeld has "resigned". That is the ONLY victory I see hear. No Colorado resident should be patting themselves on the back. First though, the marijuana amendment. Actually, first, firstly, all of the following election results are from 9news in Denver and MSNBC, simply put, they are the best. They break things like this first and of all the talking head fools on my tv, there is less idiocy on these networks. The marijuana amendment lost by a 60% margin. At 9:00 p.m. last night when I returned from voting for three hours (nobody said democracy was fast) the marijuana amendment was losing by 62% already. Hillary Clinton won re-election in New York by a 60% margin. Arnold (Kindergarten Cop) Ican'tspellhislastname won his re-election for Governor of California by some 60 odd percent. That isn't close. That is really not close. Only in a world where George Bush calls a 51% majority a mandate can you call 40% close. Now then, on to amendment 42 about raising the minimum wage, which only won at 53%. Who the fuck are you 47%? Line up so I can smack you. I have heard that many of you who voted against it were unhappy that it would be an amendment, thereby making it harder to change in the event of a slump in the economy. Well, when you continue to elect little girls that take contributions from Wal-martesque employers that love money and not people, that's what you get. As far as your elected officials here in Colorado, Musgrave is a whore, a whore mongering whore. And you still couldn't beat her. I can't be blamed for this due to the fact that I am not in her district. Other than that, the Governor may be a democrat, but everbody under him is a republican. Secretary of State, a republican. Attorney General, a republican. State Treasurer, a 50-50 split. What did you win then? A government frozen in infighting? Now onto the one that really depressed me. The gay rights and marriage referendums. I lived in AZ for 6 years. Last night they rejected an amendment to their state constitution to limit marriage to one penis and one vagina. They are old retired white people there. Colorado however passed it. Now, I don't know the state constitution as well as I know the United States Constitution. But, when they tried to do that to the Constitution of the United States it died a swift and quick death. Nobody likes amending the Constitution especially when it would be the first time in the history of the United States that it has been done specifically to limit the rights of a group of people. A minority in fact that were it a race it would out number black americans. And apparently be the majority of the republican house. And a few preachers here in CO. But you didn't just do it once. You did it twice by not letting them even have domestic partnerships. What the fuck is with that? On 9news last night the news lady asked a professor from Metro State what this says about the people of Colorado. His reply was, "I don't think it says anything interesting about us". I do. It says "we hate fags". That is exactly what it says. You can sit here and bitch about wanting to carry weed around town and feel so proud about the (D) that comes after your congresspersons name. Not a great feat in a state where the price of that (D) comes with a lot of (R) in it. It will be much easier to legalize marijuana in the future than it will be to reverse that amendment. This has set the Colorado progressive movement back in to a dark age. So, while you have your victory parties, know this. There was a victory of democracy in the nation last night, but not in Colorado. In Colorado those victory parties were in the dark, much like the dark closet we told our gay neighbors to go back into instead of joining in the party. Which is a shame because the gay people were, of course, the party planners.

Satan Worshipping Leaders?

2005-11-24T02:52:00.000-07:00

Pat Robertson, President George Bush and his wife, even Jenna Bush. They are all into the dark lord now. I mean, what are these people doing in league with the Father Of Lies? Well, I guess that actually makes sense doesn't it?

Toasty Ta-tas

2005-11-15T20:23:00.000-07:00

A lingerie maker in Japan has created a bra that contains an eco-friendly reusable gel. Just pop it in the microwave and heat it up and put it on some melons for a tasty treat, kinda like melted chocolate. There are no plans to actually put this thing in stores for mass consumption. The maker is instead going to apply the technology towards other clothing. I, for one, am totally against this thing. This kinda thing could entirely kill that rare occasion when you get to see a pair of nipples that are hardened by the harsh winters of Colorado. I may have to assassinate this inventor guy.

The Article

Caged Beat

2005-11-15T19:39:00.000-07:00

Alright, that title is a bad pun, but I just had to put it to this picture. The tour is over and Seraphim Shock is in prison. Apparently you can't do that to a goat using a midget wearing an eye patch. Wrecked'em? Damn near killed'em. I will put up a ton of more pictures and captions and a sorta diary thingy (though I just said diary, I am in fact a straight man). But for now I want to be able to put something up here that isn't Seraphim Schlock related. So I just thought I would post this as a cumming attraction. So stay tuned kittens for the exciting conclusion of the Tour De Forced Rear Entry that was the 2005 Seraphim Shock American "13 Dates To Kill For (Well, Except New Orleans, They Kept The Number Because It Sounds Cooler) White Trash Satan Tour". That's a mouthful, unlike certain band members who shall remain anonymous.

Qoutes from the road while we were obscenly drunk!!

2005-10-25T03:16:00.000-06:00

Naika says, " want to get into a bar fight listening to Seraphim Shock." Anita Star says, "Seraphim Shock makes me want to smack a twat!!" Ash says, "..So I'm dick to dick with this fucking dyke..." Daisy says,"so, um.. are we like the mexicans in this country?" Charles says, "14 hours and my ass is begging for mercy!" Dave says, "free mustache rides for a heiniken" Mark says, "you mean we get to touch the strippers in east St. Louis!?!? SWEET!!!!" Joe says, "whats the worst that could happen, so they arrest me, I'll be out in 15 minutes"

The "Not For Hurricane Relief" Tour

2005-10-07T17:44:00.000-06:00

On Tuesday I am leaving to accompany my niggaz of Seraphim Shizza on tour. I will be trying to update this blog with mugshots and arrest records after every show, but, consistency is not of much concern.

10/12/05 - Indianapolis, IN @ The Vault
10/13/05 - Detroit, MI @ Labrynth
10/14/05 - London, Canada @ Dissent
10/15/05 - Milwaukee, WI @ Club Anything
10/18/05 - Kansas City, MO @ The Grand Emporium
10/20/05 - St. Louis, MO @ The Creepy
10/21/05 - Nashville, TN @ The Exit
10/23/05 - Houston, TX @ Havok
10/26/05 - El Paso, TX @ Lucky Devils
10/27/05 - Albuquerque, NM @ Euphoria
10/29/05 - Hollywood, CA @ Bar Sinister
10/30/05 - Las Vegas, NV @ Double Down Saloon

Seraphim Shock

Scary Adult Moment #2

2005-10-07T02:30:00.000-06:00

Seeing a guy you went to high school with walking out of a "parenting after a divorce" group meeting.

Scary Adult Moment #1

2005-10-07T02:26:00.000-06:00

Waiting for a red light to turn green and the reverse lights of the car in front of you turn on for no reason you are aware of.

They Are Running Out Of Cars To Blow Up

2005-10-05T14:41:00.000-06:00

Cars stolen from the United States are being used for car bombs in Iraq. That just seems inefficient.

Well Fuck Me Gently With A Chainsaw, Slater Is Free To Talk Hard And Grab Hard.

2005-09-20T18:48:00.000-06:00

Christian Slater is free to find True Romance after ALLEGEDLY groping a girl while Gleaming The Cube, er, box. He received a deferred sentence, something I know a thing or two about. As long as he doesn't grab ass or rob any casinos in silly Elvis costumes for the next six months, he will be free to do Very Bad Things. Finally he can get back to not really doing anything good since the early 90's and playing strip croquet till his heart's content.
In a related story, President Bush's approval rating is at an almost all time low of 40%.

Stop Talking About This Girl

2005-09-15T16:44:00.000-06:00

Natalee Hollaway's mother just won't shut up. Regarding the newly free Joran Van Der Sloot she said today, "no other 17 year old Aruban young man would have abducted and raped a young female American tourist". Clearly, flawless reasoning. A teenage girl on vacation in a foreign country goes off alone with three locals to party all night. Did she have sex with one or all of them? Was it consenting? I don't care. This is what sluts on drugs do. Everybody in America wants to give her mother airtime because she is just so typical of America. Natalee was supposed to symbolize America, lost, hurt and stranded in some alien country. But, she is too typical. She can't actually believe that her angelic daugther would get all drugged up and proceed to service foreigners one after another like Ellis Island. If the truth of her making obviously stupid choices that day were to be more publicized, every parent would say the exact damn same thing after that 60 Minutes episode ended. "Not my kid". Yes, your slutty, drugged, under-educated, street stupid kid.

New Orleans Lives On In The Hearts Of.........Sluts And Drunks

2005-09-12T02:20:00.000-06:00

Since day one of the hurricane aftermath orgy of disorder and dehydration. Isn't it ironic that death by dehydration always occurs near tons of water (New Orleans hurricane, middle of the ocean, on ecstasy on the dancefloor etc.)? A few bars, most notably Johnny White's, have been open for business. After a long day of crying over the remains of your house and looting your neighbors, if for no other reason, than because it's still there and yours isn't, you just kinda need a fuckin' drink. Well, Johnny White's is there for you. My friend has this band, they had to cancel their date in New Orleans on their next tour for obvious reasons. I suggested that they still go, use the generators available, and play at or outside of that bar. This idea was met with a look that said simply, "you can't be serious". I still think it's a good idea. It's good exposure. And, most importantly, it's Rock 'N' Roll. That is the point of Rock. Going where your not supposed to, and rocking. The water would recede with the power of rock. That red sea shit would have been much more believable if Jesus had a Fender. But, no, New Orleans will not be rocked. Because I am clearly an idiot for having such an idea. It would have been cool. But, I am getting off point here. There was one other thing I wanted to mention, the slutty part. One of the many people not leaving New Orleans just yet has found a way to get the police to patrol her block regularly. She flashes her pair when they drive by. The article refers to her as Ms. Hall at one point. Women who flash their breasts to strangers should never be spoken of in a formal sense. Thanks to the slutty woman and the drunks, the town will still not lose that whole "kinda cool, kinda dirty" thing it has had going on for so long.

The Bar Is Still Open
Ms. Hall, Are You Trying To Seduce Me?

Public Service Announcement

2005-09-08T19:39:00.000-06:00

I'm only here to help.
G - Anus: If you really love him...

Link

The Saudi's Buy A Small Piece Of Murdoch's Ass

2005-09-07T16:58:00.000-06:00

A Saudi prince has purchased a five percent stake in News Corp. to help his friend Rupert Murdoch out. Crazies, start your conspiracy hamster wheels.

"Special" Brea"K"ing News

2005-09-07T16:29:00.000-06:00

Ketamine is a popular drug among partygoers.
And in other breaking news....
-Boys have penises.
-Girls have vaginas.
-Pacifiers make you look like an idiot.
-Techno died and it's obituary simply said "bleep, boom, boom, bleep, scratch..."
-When you sit at home making jewelry out of plastic and bright green objects your not cool, your an indian.
-Glowsticks won't get you laid, stop bringing them to clubs where I'm drinking, it makes me dizzy.

Chief Justice Johnny Boy?

2005-09-06T00:33:00.000-06:00

President Bush is going to promote John Roberts to the Chief Justice of the Supremist Court in the land. This is not in keeping with the way the Bush administration usually does promotions. John Roberts hasn't even fucked up yet! Let alone even justiced yet, let alone enough to be chief justicing.

Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist Has Died

2005-09-03T23:33:00.000-06:00

Fuck, here we go again!

Link

Hurricane Katrina

2005-09-03T20:00:00.000-06:00

If you haven't heard, due to drowning, living in a sewage filled sports arena, or fatigue from looting, you've been hit by a hurricane. With a pussy name like Katrina.

Constant Gardener

2005-09-01T20:03:00.000-06:00

No, it's not a review. I like the commercial for this movie. Not, the movie itself. The snippet "praise for this film" stuff on the commercial. At one point, apparaently one reviewer said that this film is a cure for the "brainless" summer movies. Hollywood has resorted to insulting itself in it's own promotions.

The Priesthood: Reloaded

2005-08-21T17:11:00.000-06:00

The catholic church is using this poster to promote the idea of the priesthood. Get it? Neo was a hero that fought against evil. You to can be a hero fighting against evil. The first problem I see here is that Neo was a messianic Jesus figure. He was worshipped and revered for his untold power. Considering the church's recent issues with looking too much like NAMBLA, do they really want to relate priesthood to a figure worthy of praise and awe. First that gives the priest too much power over the child. Second, that's worshipping false idols. Isn't that one of their sins or something. "If we can get kids to hang a picture of a priest in their room, we've done something huge" said father Meyer, the man who put this idea into motion. I agree with that, but not in a good way. When I was younger I put pictures of Pam Anderson on my wall. If I walked into a kids room and they had pictures of priests on their wall, that's a sign. What's next, a priest with a lightsaber, a priest dressed as Frodo?

Link to article
Via Cinematical

Breaking News: Eminem Does Drugs.

2005-08-19T02:56:00.000-06:00

Eminem is undergoing treatment for a dependency on sleeping pills. Sleeping pills? Really? I figured it'd be like meth, e, acid, heroin, even weed for god's sake. That show's how much "street cred" Eminem doesn't have at this point. I mean, who get's addicted to sleeping pills? Only divas. Sleeping pills are for Mariah Carey and Marilyn Monroe. The man should be doing crank. Crank made from Sudafed and crack with too much baking soda. Now that would get him back that credibility. At this point, his only option is to get "assassinated".

Link to article

A Question For Anyone In New York.

2005-08-19T02:52:00.000-06:00

Does Naked Cowboy get a lot of play?

Jewish People Forced To Leave Parts Of Israel, Again.

2005-08-18T02:44:00.000-06:00

Israel is "evicting" thousands of Jews out of the Gaza strip. Isn't "eviction" a little bit of an understatement here. I mean, eviction creates more of an idea in your head of being kicked out of your house/ apartment. Being forcibly moved halfway across your own country away from your home is a bit more to me. I am surprised I haven't seen even one "I got kicked out of Gaza and all I got was this complimentary yarmulka".

Link to article

Is This What You Want?

2005-08-18T02:20:00.000-06:00

According to Playgirl Magazine. No, I don't read it. It has been determined that women are after men with chest hair, very little money, and love handles. "Metrosexuals are also out", women want men who are "rough around the edges". Playgirl is so convinced of their little reader poll that they are now searching for a new model to exemplify this. So if you happen to be a pathetic slob, your apparently a sexy bitch now. I don't put too much trust in the kinds of people that read Playgirl Magazine. They can't exactly be as hot as the girls in Playboy or else they would be having sex with those men instead of looking at them on glossy paper. But, if it is on the real, I won't be dating for a while. I don't have the ability to get love handles. I don't think that I am "rough around the edges". I don't actually understand the concept. I like bathing. I like grooming. I like working out for the sake of itself. I don't like fast food. I don't like pork, especially when you fry it and put it in a bag and sell it on the basis of eating it with beer and football. Go ahead and get the fat man. You'll come around once he starts cheating on you with big screen football at Hooters then comes home and beats you for being present. Then you'll want a guy that can spell chivalry. Apparently while I was laughing at Ricky Gervais in the office (top picture), women were getting off to him. Under this rule, he has to be like the sexiest man on television to women.

Link to article

Choose Sex

2005-08-18T01:51:00.000-06:00

Across the pond they are thinking of reforming laws that currently prevent you from choosing the sex of your brand new baby. So now when going to the fertility clinic, you get to choose. I don't like it. This sounds like a bad idea. I don't know if this thing is legal or not in America. That would take research and I'm not a journalist. The law itself makes no difference to me anyway. It is the idea of being able to decide the future gender of your baby I don't like. I am all for using genetics to create a super intelligent super hot human race. Not in a nazi way. Just intelligence and hotness. We have to keep all the different races of people. That way I will still get some variety in women to date. They way we are having sex, we'll all be the same soon enough anyway. I wish it would have happened sooner though. That way I could have been likely born with a nice permanent tan. But alas, I must tan the old fashioned way. But I am getting off point. If people can choose the sex of their child, this really gonna fuck the world up. You see, in a relationship where the man is the dominant guys guy type of dude, he will want boys, lotsa boys. Firstly because he wants to raise men like him. Assholes. These are the types of guys that I hate. These are the kinda men that I got into daily fights with in high school. The future school shooting numbers alone are prohibitive. Secondly, no man wants to raise a girl. Unless he is gay. Every straight man has to face the fact that his daughter is one day going to be spread open by another man. No guy likes the idea of that. The opposite is true of women. A relationship where the woman is the more powerful force will produce more girls. Not the good kind either. They will be control freaks. They will have built in daddy issues because daddy was a pussy. These are the types of girls that almost hit you in the grocery parking lot and then smile innocently while laughing at your required dismissal of the situation. They will grow up to be the teenage controlling force of their home. They will all read Teen Vogue while seeing what color of tank top to wear with the same tight fitting jeans they are always wearing. They all look the same. And all girls are blonde now. What the fuck is that about? I don't have a problem with blondes, but this is getting silly. At any rate, the article claims that they will put into place, laws that require you to have a certain number of boys or girls to prevent such things from occuring. That will last no more than two years. When people want freedom, they tend to demand total freedom. And besides, that sounds a bit communist China to me. I happen to believe in the concept of population control to a degree. I also happen to be alone in this as I have realized. I guess the entire advancement of science and bio-engineering thing will help us as a nation have a nice little ethics war. That I am totally down for. We already have some very prominent republicans (Reagan's lady and Frist) changing their minds. I guess the advancement just has to be personalized. Like, pa is gonna die unless I can have your fetus's stem cells.

Link to article

Jet Crash In Venezuela, 160 Dead.

2005-08-16T15:07:00.000-06:00

A plane crashes in Canada and nobody dies. Complete 24 hour coverage of water hitting a plane wing ensues. A plane crashes in Venezuela, and what you get is three pictures and a small video segment with a pompus ass babbling about why planes fall like rocks lately. Unless it happens in North America, we just don't care.

Link to article

Are You A Gospel Singer? Probably Not.

2005-08-16T03:06:00.000-06:00

But, if you are, Gospel Dream 2005 wants you. But not in a sexual way. It is a new show on the brand spanking (also not in a sexual way) channel, The Gospel Music Channel. I can't fucking wait. It is described as being American Idol-esque by just about every christian news source. Which is like, two christian news sources. I don't really read christian news sources, ever. If I did, I probably wouldn't think the following is funny. The show's host will be a "christian stand-up comedian". That is not actually a joke. It is exactly like American Idol with judges and all that. If I have to explain the concept, then just put the tin foil hat back on and fuck off.

"So you'll be the show's version of Simon Cowell?"-NYT

"No. 'American Idol' has Simon. 'Gospel Dream' has Satan". - Jonathan Slocumb (the host)

Indeed. Satan. "Brother Satan is always going to be around somewhere", said Slocumb (un-intended funny name I'm sure). Call or whatever your local cable provider to get this channel. I already did. I don't hate America, just americans.

Link to article

But, Where Do We Come From? Harvard Will Find Out.

2005-08-16T02:48:00.000-06:00

It is the "Origins of Life in the Universe Initiative". Kinda wordy. The idea is that they are going to use cross specialty science to create a definate idea of the creation of life, as far as we know. I like the idea. I know a few people that don't believe in evolution. Then when you ask them why, they just get all uncomfortable. They don't want to say, "I just don't". Since so much of what would make up the history of the world and the life on it is discovered in different fields of super genius, this would bring them all together. Maybe now we can stop with this stem cell, abortion laws, ten commandments in the school while kids are praying to the picture of Bush in the classroom shit. I really hate people that sit and bitch about liberal universities while saving their money to send their kids to learn there so that they can get degrees in what they want their kids to learn and not ask questions. I don't hate America, I just hate americans.

Link to article

You Are All Fags

2005-08-12T06:42:00.000-06:00

That's what James Dobson says. He may be what Erasure was talking about when he wrote the song, "I Love To Hate You". Oh, no wait that was gay lovers he was talking about. At any rate, Focus On The Family has a pretty little article entitled, "Is My Child Becoming Homosexual?" In case your son displays a few of the following qualities, you've got a little prepubescent queer on your hands.

-Strong feeling that they are "different" from other boys.
-A tendency to cry easily, be less athletic, and dislike the roughhousing that other boys enjoy.
-A strong preference to spend time in the company of girls and participate in their games and other pastimes.
-A tendency to walk, talk, dress, and even "think" effeminately

So, yeah, I listed only the ones that I displayed when I was a kid. Of course I always wanted to hang out with girls. The first time I fell in love was in kindergarten. Like me playing house with some girl is any different than what adults do. Only I think that the sex is better as an adult. "A tendency to be less athletic"? So, because I sucked so bad at baseball that the coach wouldn't put me in, I have to be gay now? Usually in children's baseball, the father complains when the coach won't put their kid in, my dad was the coach. Next, a strong feeling that they are "different" than other boys. Isn't that the entire concept of parenting since like WW2. Every kid is so special that at the end of the baseball season, everyone who even played get's a trophy. This everybody is special and deserves to be an astronaut or the president attitude is what makes them start crying all the time anyway. And it's these same parents that keep saying, "not my child" whenever they hear about a teen overdosing or killing half their classmates in a drunk car wreck or a misguided school shooting. Also, the roughhousing thing, so I don't like getting the shit kicked out of me and getting bruises. Those boys end up either, A) getting violent whenever drunk and beating their wife, which they probably date raped into submission the first time they ever went out, Or B) Killing some guy in a violent act of sexual confusion, ala American Beauty. Lastly, walking, talking or otherwise "thinking" effeminately. I like being clean. I like dressing at least somewhat well. I like washing my hands an inordinate number of times a day. I did wear skirts in high school at random, but that was a fashion thing. And it got me lots of girls and when you're both wearing skirts, there is no taking off of clothes needed for sex. And I like to moisturize, blow me. Gay or straight, it's actually something that I don't think has definate markers in childhood. When it comes down to it, if you are a guy, when you decide you want to have sex, if you like dick, your gay. If I could fall in love with a girl before even knowing what sex is, I can only assume that it would be the same for gay people.

Link to the land of no sanity, (the article).

Rubber Johnny

2005-08-08T01:46:00.000-06:00

Johnny is hyperactive.
Johnny is a mutant.
Johnny has a dog.
Watch it.
Figure it out yourself.

Banksy Vacations In Israel

2005-08-07T17:15:00.000-06:00

"The ultimate activity holiday destination for graffiti writers". That is what Banksy considers the wall. He condemns the construction of the Israeli Wall. I also happen to think that fences may make good neighbors, but walls are made to be torn down. Or in this case, peeled away. Nine paintings on the Palestinian side (the party side I'm told). Apparently Israeli security forces even trained guns on him and fired in the air threateningly. I can't wait till our own Colorado congressman Tancredo gets his wall built for Mexico. At least Israel's reasoning is to defend against suicide bombers. Tancredo just hates mexicans.

The Wooster Collective for better photos
BBC News article

Banksy

2005-08-07T16:13:00.000-06:00

First things second. I am doing this post to do the post directly after this. I figure, before telling you the super genius thing that Banksy did a few days ago, I better tell you who he is. Well, sorta. Nobody know who he is. Most importantly, the authorities of England don't know who he is. Banksy is, in loose terms, a graffiti artist. But more so, he is simply a damn good artist. The picture directly above was planted in the Natural History Museum in New York. "Withus Oragainstus" was removed from the museum after being planted. It's a dead beetle with missiles and a satellite dish glued onto it. On the same day, in New York, Banksy planted five works in five different museums. He is well known for his stencil work in London and Bristol, England. He has turned down a deal with Nike. He get's 25 grand or higher for a canvas. Members of Portishead and Massive Attack have been seen buying his works at shows. The night before the Tuner Prize at the Tate gallery in London, he stenciled "mind the crap" on every step leading to the doors. And then this year, he vacationed in Israel...

Wiki article on Banksy
Banksy.co.uk

Vodka Induced Stream Of Consciousness, Minus Spell Check, Because You Don't Spell Check Drunk

2005-08-07T02:30:00.000-06:00

But, then where do you find the pure girl. No, I don't mean virgin. I mean pure. In this brave new world where she can sleep with as many men as I can sleep with girls and it's still all alright. Is she just an endangered species. Our super accelerated media culture has hunted her to near extinction. I have made mistakes with first and last names. Does she have to have made as many. Does that even the odds. It starts so pretty, then turns so dirty. Someone always loses. Someone always hurts. There are no mutual agreements. Someone always compromises all the compromises. Someone always loses all that can be lost. Even when hurt her, I bleed from her wound. I hurt her pain. The empathetic are pathetic. Wher are the pure. Their not drunk in strobed lit clubs. Their not reading in the places of the read. Their not walking on the streets tread by those you know. Their hiding in those places I haven't searched. I'm an urban explorer. No artifacts. No credit. No tenure. No degree. I have only an associates in associating. I'm losing the battle of the sex. A wounded soldier constantly searching for bandages, I keep ripping out the sutures. Her Unknown. Where do I find Her Unknown. She is always unknown to me. When I find a her, she becomes known. Then I don't want to know her anymore. I am always trying to de-mystify the mystery. When it's all plain and simple it just isn't interesting anymore. Paradoxical ventrical. How can something so tangible be so endless? Where does love stop? Why does it stop? Where is the stop sign? I need glasses. I need bifocals, I need to see what's in front of me and distant. Why can't I be as sure about any girl as Loyd Dobbler was about one? He just knew. I never know. If I just filmed my life then it could have a happy ending. No picket fences, just a no seat belt sign. A flight from prosecution, a flight to freedom. Aortal freedom. As I write this call, the crickets are calling. I live in a place where the dominant nighttime sound is a cricket. There is something wrong with that. Where I am right now, the only animal or human saying what I am saying is a bug. The vodka is gone. Loyd Dobbler, I am assuming, never became a kickboxing champion (it wasn't, apparently, the sport of the future). As well as, I am not a champion of love. I do not champion it because it always beats me. And the simple fact is, when someone constantly beats you at something, you stop playing against them. Women are just better at this than I am. Maybe they deserve to be the ones that can leave and come back at will. I guess I just have too much will for that then. If the women want all the power they are going to have to use it. It's their turn to approach the men. I am tired of it. I have been doing that for enough years already (really only a few). It's her job at this point. All the hers. Her Unknown, a self fulfilling impossibility. Maybe Loyd Dobbler was right. He fell in love with such a shallow character. Say Anyhting. Seriously, say anything.

Dave Chapelle IS Crazy

2005-08-03T18:12:00.000-06:00

I told you so. "Chapelle Show is over, man. Done." That is what Charlie Murphy has had to say about the lack of the show on the Comedy Central line up. If I have to explain who he is, then just stop reading and go away. Aside from thanking the show for what it has done for his career, he called it the "Tupac of TV shows". The network chief of Comedy Central has not been in communication with Chapelle since June 3. I just wonder how long we are going to have to wait to see or buy what will inevitably be called "the lost episodes".

Link To Article

No Buildings Were Harmed During The Crashing Of This Plane

2005-08-03T04:47:00.000-06:00

An Air France plane fell out of the sky on Tuesday. Traffic was unaffected.

Senator Bill Frist M.D. Takes The Hypocritic Oath

2005-08-01T16:25:00.000-06:00

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist spoke on Thursday on legislation that would be passed on Friday to prevent people from suing gun maufacturers in the event that their product is used in a crime. Proponents say, "industry can't be held responsible for the actions of people who use their products illegally". I agree, unfortunately, I also agree that this is true of people who use technology to download illegal and copyrighted content on the internet. The DMCA has been used to sue technology companies who create things that can be used in illegal ways. Many of the same people who support this gun legislation have also publicly supported legislation to clarify that the DMCA can be used to sue tech companies for their own products uses. We also have the broadcast flag which is waving happily due to these same votes in the senate. Also this weekend, Frist has decided that he supports government funding of stem cell research. Everybody thinks he is so special because he is at odds with the president on this issue. In reality, he is against abortion and for the death penalty. So, to get this straight, he doesn't want you to get an abortion, but if you do by some chance do this, he wants your fetus. And, if you raise your fetus and it ends up killing other fetuses (fetuses? feti?), he wants to execute it. Culture of life indeed. I don't agree with the fact that apparently we all need guns to be secure. We could just be like Japan and not have any at all. We could all just use martial arts. Cause of death, flying crane kick. I support abortion and stem cell research, but, am conflicted on the death penalty. It seems like more than a penalty. I'm conflicted on some political issues, but not as badly as Bill Frist would seem to be.

Frist speaks on gun legislation
Senate passes gun legislation
Frist announces support of stem cell research

Run And The Bobbies Will Shoot

2005-07-27T21:25:00.000-06:00

They are very, very sorry they killed that innocent guy with seven, fucking seven, bullets to the head. But, it is your responsibility to make sure it doesn't happen again. So, in case your "a bit foreign", drive a car. The tube is for true Londoners only. It really does amuse me, the just slight racism that lurks in England.

Never Don't Commit A Crime

2005-07-27T21:04:00.000-06:00

In case you are the only person on earth who hasn't had the pleasure, go to Engrish.com. It is one of the funniest ways to waste time while that pirated first episode of the extras, and that auto-erotic asphyxiation video that you fetishize both download.

Carpool You Nazi's

2005-07-27T20:54:00.000-06:00

I always wanted the original of this ever since I saw that Bill Maher had done a Bin Laden take on it for one of his previous books. I can't figure out if it's a good thing that our government doesn't go to this level for striking propaganda anymore. On the one hand, it is pretty extreme. But on the other hand, the whole "buy shit or the terrorists win" thing is a bit crap. I don't know, what do you think?

Foreign Condom Ads 2

2005-07-26T22:25:00.000-06:00

Again, I think they speak for themselves.

All are found on this site.

Foreign Condom Ads 1

2005-07-26T21:59:00.000-06:00

I think they speak for themselves.

The first one is from this site, called Rakuten that I can't read because it's in Japanese.
The second one is from MedAsia.
The rest are pictured on this site.

Who The Fuck Is This Guy?

2005-07-19T20:54:00.000-06:00

John G. Roberts. Bush is sending that guy to the Supreme Court. The only thing the channels on my TV seem to agree on is that nobody knows anything about him. So much for the info in infotainment. Johnny has argued against abortion, big surprise. He has defended these statements by claiming they were simply the views of the clients he was supporting. I'll buy that for now. I find him threatening, because, like many Americans I am afraid of what I do not understand. One thing is for sure though, Bush picked this guy for some wild eyed reason. Now, there is the timing of this announcement. The Bush administration would now like for you to please stop thinking about and talking about a certain "super secret double background" creep.

And In Local News...

2005-07-19T15:51:00.000-06:00

Republican mexican hater Tom Tancredo is going international. The congressman has in the past attempted to get a bill passed that would put an indefinite moratorium on immigration to the United States. His reasoning has been terrorism, of course, and most funny of all, over population. He ironically also supports a ban on partial birth abortion and along with that, any abortion. He is famously not allowed at the white house after fighting with Karl "pinky swear" Rove over Bush's immigration policies. Now the congressman has set his sights (literally) on the middle east. In response to being asked what the U.S. would do in retaliation to a homeland terrorist attack, Tancredo decided to turn off his "crazy statement filter". "If this happens in the United States....You could take out their holy sites". The radio jerk than says, "Your talking about bombing Mecca?" And now crazy Tom responds, "yeah". Yeah? Sure let's just fucking do that then. This is what happens when the government can't fight an actual country. They just start coming up with ludicrous ideas like this one. We are going to bomb a church because the guys that bombed us were religious in a certain way. Isn't that a little like bombing a Scientology building because Tom Cruise's last film sucked (and it did)? Well, that may be more sane to do. Or, say, killing an entire race of people because a couple of jewish people pissed you off when you were younger. Yes, I just did the annoying thing where people compare our actions to that of Nazi's, sue me. I am sure that if we were to start bombing mosques, that all the terrorists would just throw up their hands and give up like the Japanese in WW2. That is obviously the rationale here. This is exaclty why they hate us in the first place. Thanks Tom, I'll be sure and plaster that statement all over I-25 every day of your next re-election bid.

I Really Fucking Hate Karl Rove

2005-07-15T05:01:00.000-06:00

I really do. Apparently not only did this penis head not technically say Valerie Plame's (Joe "no fuckin' uranium in Nigeria" Wilson's wife) name to Matt Cooper, and therefore it isn't technically illegal. But, goddamn it, now he had confirmed that same shit to Bob (I love cock) Novak. "I heard that too", is not illegal. I really fuckin' hate this guy. That's all, I might add actual information later instead of just random swearing and senseless belligerence but that's all I've got at this point. If he had a puppy that he was particularly partial too, I would kill it.

The Holy Land Is Tax Exempt Property

2005-07-13T22:59:00.000-06:00

It's the Holy Land Experience. It is funded and operated by Zion's Hope, a Christian minisrty. They are "devoted to converting Jews to Christianity". In court a judge decided that Zion's Hope is using the Holy Land Experience "to spread what it consider's to be god's word". Therefore, no property taxes for a theme park. I gotta tell you this place looks like it would be a lot of fun. At first viewing of their website they explain all the great attractions you can see.
You "travel back in time and experience"...
"The passion and suffering of the Christ". Yes, whip me, beat me, crucify me.
"Qaboo the camel". Yeah, a camel.
"The bustling street market". Where you can by real Jesus clothes (made in China).
"The confrontation". Yes, now you to can be persecuted by those damn Jews.
"The ruggedness of the promised land". In case you didn't know already, Israel is all fucked up.
"The oppression of the romans". You know, whips again, lions, all the worst parts of the bible.
"The lovable animals". Yak petting zoo.

If all of this doesn't make you accept Jesus you fuckin' godless hethen, then the musical dance numbers will. Although if you go to the page for ticket prices, they have a "Jerusalem Gold Pass", only, it's spelled "Jersalem Gold Pass". I think this place is gonna be real popular with Jewish people.

The Holy Land Experience
Fla. Christian Theme Park Dodges Property Tax

Check Out My Web Site.

2005-07-11T16:28:00.000-06:00

That is one creepy looking bastard. Joseph Duncan is the man charged with molesting those poor kids in Idaho and possibly (Read: Fucking likely) murdering the rest of their family. He would have also killed the son named Dylan, leaving only the girl, Shasta, alive. I don't typically like writing about such things mainly because there is nothing any of us can do about these situations. It's kinda like terrorism, there is always going to be some asshole. But, here is the interesting thing about this crazy fucker. He is a blogger. He has a blog and was still using it as late as May of this year. Not only does he babble about being a child molester and general criminal fuck. But, he talks about demons and other such future mental defense inevitabilities. The thing is there are tons of people who have commented on it. It is obviously more popular than this place right here. That really does make me sad, a sex offender has shown up my little thing here. At first on the earlier posts and even some on the latest, there are tons of christian types and others talking all nice to him and trying to help him with his problems. Then as you read closer to now, you get the people that would appear to not want to help him. These people want to do something quite different to him. Ironically rape is mentioned often. Tom Cruise even commented that there is no such thing as a "chemical imbalance". God, TomKat is everywhere. I am not saying that I know he is guilty, but, if you walk into a convenient store with a kidnapped girl who says you molested and killed her brother, well, yeah, your guilty. Go there now before the FBI rips it apart for evidence. It is a funny scary experience. Go there. Then go take a bath.

Blogging The Fifth Nail
That is Joseph Duncan's site

London Hurts...But Not That Much

2005-07-10T18:19:00.000-06:00

So some overly empathetic (emphasis on pathetic) American has created a community site devoted to what I still am not comfortable calling London 7/7. However, some Londoners have found the site and are taking it over to show how they feel about it. Not surprisingly, they seem slightly offended about the immediate appropriation of tragedy for selfish fulfillment. The first picture is the banner from the site. The next two are remixes of it by Londoners. My favorite quite from the site is "London drinks tea in your general direction."

LondonHurts

Live 8 Dead.

2005-07-09T16:53:00.000-06:00

The top picture is of "what is estimated to be between 150 and 650 tonnes of assorted trash (at 3 kilos (6.6 pounds) per person)". That is the aftermath of Live 8. It is the largest amount of waste left after a concert ever. The other picture is the wasted leftover bread that was not used during Live 8. It is now garbage. Live 8 was a benefit concert for African poverty and hunger.

Treehugger article on trash
Treehugger article on bread

London 7/7

2005-07-07T21:00:00.000-06:00

That is what they are calling it. If you haven't already heard about this, then your Natalee Hollaway. Four separate bombings during rush hour. One bus and three London Underground trains. The tube and all city transit completely shut down. The current death toll is 37. This is the most disturbing thing to happen in London since the rise of the Spice Girls. London has not seen this much destruction since the blitzkrieg of the nazi's (those fucks). As usual, the immediate reaction is that it is the fault of...an electrical surge? Yeah, that's what they originally thought at like 3:00 A.M. our time. Eventually they turned their brains on and realized it was an act of terrorism. Gay as terrorism. Fucking terrorists, always the fucking terrorists. But, which ones? Usually it's the IRA. But, for some reason nobody thinks they would pull this kinda thing off. Also, some internet site is claiming that they did it. They are calling themselves the Secret Group of Al Qaida's Jihad in Europe. What a stupid fucking name. I mean come on, if your gonna pull something like this off, can't you get a better name than that. Besides, if you plaster your shit all over a web site for all the electronic world to see, it's not SECRET! And what's with the whole "in Europe" thing? What, are you fuckers regional? Where's the web site for the Secret Group of Al Qaida's Jihad in Canada? Or New Zealand? Or America for that matter. And what do these dinks hope to accomplish? Do they think that England is just gonna jump ship on Iraq. These guys had their entire city leveled by The Nazis, the fucking nazis. The nazis took over half the globe (including almost Al Qaida's hometown), and the English (with our help) still beat them back. No matter how hard these guys try, they will never match up to the nazi's in the evil department. It is gonna take alot more buses (even if they are the double decker kind) and way more subway cars. Not to mention some major mass genocide. I am sorry, but, the only people that could do that kind of evil shit again are the Germans themselves. They do start every damn world war. Terrorism doesn't work with really powerful nations. A nation powerful enough to take over your half of a continent doesn't become terrified. Terror only works on those who have little. Besides all that shit, I think the IRA is really pissed about being shown up. And if there is any hard core terrorism group you don't want to piss off, it's the IRA. Bush couldn't find his ass if it wasn't his own head. Now you've got the smart one pissed off at you to. One has the guns, the other has the brains. And between the IRA and our own homegrown crazy hillbilly gun waving inbred fuckers, your screwed. You've got angry evangelists, gun toting catholics, pissed off protestants and C of E british and they all hate your god. Seriously, you can't win.

The Politicians.

2005-07-07T18:46:00.000-06:00

The word of the day is "resolve". Apparently between England and here in America, we've got shitloads. I always liked the way that Bush acted after 9/11, he had that anger in his voice that simply said, "you motherfuckers". Of course as we all now know, not much ever came of that. Except the deposing of a despotic loon cuz, "he threatened ma daddy". But, I must say, Blair wan't as angry, but I liked his response nonetheless. His response was spot of, "what was that all about"? He looked simply offended. Of course we all know that they will get the guys responsible for this. There is a newer younger James Bond in town. MI6 will get to the bottom of it, and get mad laid at the same time.

The Victims.

2005-07-07T18:45:00.000-06:00

What? Do I have something on my face?

The Bombs.

2005-07-07T18:32:00.000-06:00

How to turn a British double decker bus into an American style single floor bus. The hard way.

The Phallus Of Freedom

2005-06-29T15:25:00.000-06:00

The new design for the "Freedom Tower" is news. Not because it is actually being built. Because people are bitching. So I might as well join. It will have sixty-nine office floors. It has been redesigned to be strong enough to handle most "truck bombs". It has an air filtering system for chemicals and biological agents. It has also been designed with a dedicated firefighter staircase and "areas of refuge". Is this an office building or an economic bunker? I wouldn't want to work anywhere with "areas of refuge". Sure, it is better to be safe than sorry, but, this is a bit much I think. My real issue with this plan is the museum. It's supposed to be an "International Freedom Museum". This will include stuff about the nazis, the commies, the terrorists, and The War Of The Worlds. I have to be completely honest and say that I don't really want to walk into that place and see anything about the first World Trade Center. The last thing I want to see when I go inside a large building is video of the original ones falling down.
Notably rich bad combover man, Donald Trump has a better idea, of course he does. For such a small puckered fish faced mouth, he sure has a lot to say. He acutally went to all the trouble of designing the one that he wants. To his credit, he won't make a dime off of it. Actually he will lose some, that pretty little model he made had to set him back five or six bucks in cardboard and glue. This tard wants to build the exact same Twin Towers all over again, but with one more floor, and it would be a bit stronger. For thirty years it was talked about how ugly those stupid things were. Now that idiot wants to put them right back. I think they also looked bad on the skyline of NYC. But, it should have been our choice as to whether they needed to be redesigned, not some nutbar psycho with a pretend religious idea of authority.
All this is pointless. In the end they are going to build something under-sentimental and over-political. The only thing we have to look forward to is all the media capitalizing on the process. For the next ten years there are going to be enough documentaries about the building of it to choke 19 plane highjackers, or more. There are going to be models you can buy and build yourself much faster than they will. We will see at least one teamsters issue involving the mob. At least one fraud case is just totally fuckin' guaranteed. And in the end of course there will be "The Freedom Tower Memorial Dildo".

Quick Question.

2005-06-28T02:52:00.000-06:00

Why don't republicans have protest songs?

The Problem !

2005-06-27T19:48:00.000-06:00

"We will see $60 oil before we see $40 oil", said an economist after the 70's oil shock. For the first time in history it is finally here. The price of a barrel of oil closed today at $60.54. Economists are blaming this on the election of ultra conservative Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to the presidency of Iran. He has already declared that everything oil related goes first and foremost to Iran itself. Iran also may not want to sell to america anymore at all. They have the second largest amount of oil fields in the world. Saudi Arabia is number one. He also likes nuclear weapons. The thing is, oil is finite, like gold. Gold goes up in value. Oil will also continue to go up in value. I am thinking that we will be going to war with Iran in about 2 years. Pictured above are cans of fresh beautiful tasty oil. The good news is that dented cans are half off.

The Solution !

2005-06-27T19:24:00.000-06:00

This is the new Civic concept. It has Honda's new 2.2 liter i-CTDi diesel engine. Supposedly it will be faster and quieter than Volkswagon's 1.9 liter diesel engine. Honda is already winning cheasy useless awards for it's "Grrr" ad campaign. The commercial depicts loud engines flying through a cartoon world and then being destroyed by penguins and other such cutesy animals. All this set to music and lyrics saying "hate something, change something, make something better". There is also a game. It's also funny and drugged out. If I was looking at buying a new car soon, it would be this one. There will also be a petrol pumping version, but, fuck that.

Honda's Civic site
Honda's Grrr game

Diary Of A Mad Black Woman

2005-06-25T05:40:00.000-06:00

Forbes Magazine has decided that Oprah is the most powerful unimportant person in the world. She is not however powerful enough to persuade employees at Hermes (I don't really care what they sell there, because, I'll never be able to afford it) in Paris to open their doors after they were closed. She forgot that whether on Federal Blvd. or a street in a trendy shopping district in Paris, white people do not tend to open locked shop doors for black people.

However, Oprah has become too powerful, even for a "celebrity". She must be stopped. Besides, she hangs out with too many Scientology freakos. Which reminds me.....
To be continued.

Wired: Oprah Tops Forbes List Of Powerful Celebrities
MSNBC article about Oprah shopping while black

The Brain That Woudn't Die

2005-06-15T18:49:00.000-06:00

America's favorite vegetable returns to the news for a big budget summer sequel. The autopsy and post mortem investigation of Terri Schiavo is out. In a statement made by the medical examiner Jon Thogmartin (silly name) "removal of her feeding tube would have resulted in her death whether she was fed or hydrated by mouth or not". All those idiots that were arrested walking into the hospital with a cup of water for their own selfish political reasons had no real value whatsoever. "The brain weighed 615 grams, roughly half of the expected weight of a human brain," Thogmartin said. "This damage was irreversible, and no amount of therapy or treatment would have regenerated the massive loss of neurons," he added. He went further by informing that the vision centers of her brain were dead. She was blind. This is actually funny because Senator Bill Frist, in an address on the senate floor, spoke of her persistent vegetative state. "I question it based on a review of the video footage which I spent an hour or so looking at last night in my office," he continued, "she certainly seems to respond to visual stimuli." Frist was a heart surgeon before turning pro as a crazy person and becoming the Senate Majority Leader. This guy just seems more stupid and crazy by the day. At the time many republicans, well, all of them, argued that it was essentially against God and her right to live if doctors were to remove her feeding tube. Of course there was no talk of the fact that if she had never been given the feeding tube in the first place, she would have died already. Maybe that was God's will. You can't use science to try to cure diseases through stem cell research, but, you can to artificially keep someone alive after they would have died naturally? Naturally being the key there.

I used that much younger picture of her for a few reasons. First the newer ones are ugly, and I want to try to retain some aesthetic value here. Secondarily, she was hot. I would have totally slept with her. Don't sit there and say "don't speak ill of the dead". I am not speaking "ill" of the dead, if first, I would have only slept with her when she was alive during the above time. And second, because the sex would have been good. Most news outlets used the newer ones, with one exception. Fox News only showed us what she looked like currently when they were showing the video that made it look as if she is actually conscious. Other than that, you would only see the younger more attractive ones. Why? Because, America only wants to save attractive people. And Fox News wants what republican americans "white christians" "who sodomize sheep and drink piss straight from the cock" want.

MSNBC article on autopsy results
MSNBC article on Frist's comments on the senate floor
Daily Kos article on the above

Satanic Polka

2005-06-15T05:44:00.000-06:00

Seraphim Shock
June 18, 2005
8p.m. ish probably
Ogden Theatre
Ogden and Colfax
Denver, CO

A full denigration of the event and the people attending to follow.

The Bottle Of Vodka Said:

2005-06-15T05:42:00.000-06:00

Why is it that friends, are most of the time, unfriendly.

A Message From Your Friends At Exxon: We Love Money.

2005-06-15T02:17:00.000-06:00

Exxon Mobil has snatched up oil wordsmith Philip Cooney a mere week after resigning from the White House. Philip "oil even tastes good as an ice cream topping" Cooney decided to resign from his position as chief of staff to President Bush's Council on Environmental Quality. Exxon Mobil, the company that brought you drunken oil tanker drivers. Philip Cooney, as bitched about here earlier, the man that brought you edited scientific reports on climate change to lessen the feeling that global warming is real (92 degrees in one part of the country Tuesday, a 25% increase and a first in history). This is ironically the position of Exxon Mobil, the only oil company not investing in any renewable fuel research of any kind "because it is not profitable". They also happen to be the most monetarily valuable U.S. company who also happen to advise the White House on energy policies. Most notably not joining the Kyoto Accord. Philip Cooney and Exxon Mobil together at last. A match made in heaven. The heaven of the unfortunate losers from the thunderdome. This all fits perfectly with Exxon's new PR campaign that states, we are "making the largest ever investment in independent climate and energy research". The key word there is "independent", Exxon has been funding think tanks for years that support their theories when it comes to global climate change.

MarketWatch article

Smooth Criminal

2005-06-15T02:09:00.000-06:00

You've been hit by
You've been struck by
A smooth criminal

So they came into the out way
It was sunday - what a black day
Mouth to mouth resus - citation
Sounding heartbeats - intimidations

So the only thing the jurors seem to agree upon besides Michael Jackson's 10 not guilty verdicts is that not one of them would allow their children to sleep in the same bed as a man who has naked pictures of 13 year old boys in his room. Some think that he has indeed molested children in the past. Just not the one in question. Most if not all believe the testimonies of other witnesses that came in and said that they had been molested before by His Creepiness of Pop, including a youth pastor. Talk about a conflict of interests. It took multiple votes and convincing to get to the point of those not guilty verdicts. In the beginning of deliberations they were split even, if not leaning guilty. In the end Michael Jackson was barely able to moonwalk through the small door of reasonable doubt. This one was solely decided upon just some small amount of reasonable doubt said one of the jurors who nonetheless thinks Michael "has a pattern of child molestation".

Shown on my TV while the verdict was being read, a crazy lady had brought a wooden cage of doves. She released one for every not guilty verdict. If Michael Jackson had been found guilty on all counts she would have slaughtered all of them in public effigy while smearing their blood on the faces of the wicked (jurors).

Many people who attended the after party at Neverland Ranch said it was a great party. They even hired strip little leaguers. Not many people got laid though. It was apparently quite a sausage fest. Well, a cocktail weenie fest anyway.

Beat It

2005-06-13T16:07:00.000-06:00

So beat it, but you wanna be bad
Just beat it, beat, it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how fucky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

By the way, not guilty on all 10 charges. On the 11th charge made by the media of "being just too damn weird". Guilty.

In what I can only assume is a totally related story, all playgrounds in Marin County are empty. There is a party at Neverland Ranch tonight. However, entrance is dependent on the sign on the front gate that reads: YOU MUST BE THIS SHORT TO RIDE.

The White House Is The Only Place On Earth Not Affected By Global Warming

2005-06-10T03:12:00.000-06:00

Philip A. Cooney, chief of staff for the White House Council on Environmental Quality (fit that on the door to his office), has been busy correcting scientist's homework. To break it down to a Down Syndrome level, President Bush said he wanted to know more about climate change back in like 2001. Climate Change is what you are contributing to when you drive miles from your house to find a deforested forest that is clear enough for you to set fire to those old tires just sitting out in front of your other Hummer. Well, at any rate, when the Bush wants to learn more about something, he pays others to learn it and then explain it to him in the kinds of sound bytes he uses to educate those who drive their homes from far away to here him speak. And then there are more tire fires and that's the circle of life! Or the opposite of it. Sorry, back to doing science. The government then uses the "put a 1000 monkeys with a 1000 type writers in a room and they will create the greatest novel ever written" theory when it comes to science. The problem being that monkeys cannot operate a carriage return properly. The White House Council on Environmental Quality is handed a very large report on climate change by such crazy liberal whack jobs as the National Academy of Sciences as well as others. In summary, what do they say? We are fucking up the environment. Liberal fag lovers. Is there anybody else who agrees with the crazy rantings of these godless scientists? A few. Such as the National Academies of Science for all the G8 countries, along with those of Brazil, India and China. Well, if that's all. They had prepared a "statement, which has taken months to finalize" (months, I mean come on, months for a fucking statement). I guess the Bush would have learned all that he needed to know from those reports and statements from our own National Academy of Science, as well as from, like, the rest of the friggin' world. But no. This is where Philip A. Cooney (a serial killer name) comes in. He "reviews", as the white house put it, the reports on climate change. Then he passes it on to the President in 25 words or less I am guessing. By "review" they actually mean "edit", and by "edit", I mean fuck up like he is Kobe Bryant and the reports are white snow bunnies at an Aspen resort, an Aspen resort that will no longer be there for your children because all the snowcaps are melting. Except in the reports that come from the office of Cooney. According to documents obtained by the New York Times he would simply change certain vocabulary in the reports to make it so that the connections between fossil fuel use and global warming became further away and less clear (click on the picture for an example). Essentially putting in lots of "maybe" and "could" types of words where they were not before. The president's conclusion is now as it has always been that we need to do more research and until then, we don't need to move so quickly. Coincidentally, this is also the feeling of ExxonMobil, officially the United States' most valuable company at $379 Billion. ExxonMobil says that joining the Kyoto Accord "would be unjustifiably drastic and premature", duh. Also coincidentally, according to internal White House memos, they helped shape the White House view on the Kyoto Accord. The Kyoto Accord is what every other country that has ever even seen a car before is trying to get us to sign up with. It would reduce green house gases heavily over a period of a few years so that the movie Day After Tomorrow doesn't become a documentary. Mr. Cooney does not agree with this. Typically what the administration says of people appointed to these little White House positions is that, if you want someone to run the energy policy of the administration, they have to know the industry. For instance, if you want someone to run the FBI, it would be a good idea to get someone who is not a career criminal to do so. By this line of thinking, Philip A. Cooney is probably from some kind of Greenpeace tree hugging kind of thing, right? No, he is formerly a lobbyist of the American Petroleum Institute. Really, is that the best they could do? It's a little like having Scott Peterson do couples counseling. Or letting Michael Jackson run a day care center. In Utah this month it snowed, that has never happened before. Last year at this time it was snowing in Texas, also not very fucking common. In Florida, oh Florida, how I hate thee, they are getting ready to have an even worse storm season than ever before. Since when did they have a better one? These are not normal occurrences. The worst part is that the same people that say this is all part of the normal cycle of our planet, well, they think that god makes hurricanes come because he hates fags.

New York Times article on Cooney's revisions
G8 scientists warning to President Bush
The Guardian's article on Exxon's involvement

I Am Tom Cruise's Mid-Life Crisis.

2005-06-10T00:53:00.000-06:00

Katie Holmes is not a corvette. He probably already has one. Katie Holmes is not a leather jacket. He already wears them often. At the time he was Jerry Maguire, she was Dawson's bitch. Yeah, this'll work out fine. At least they are probably the same height.

It's Just So Perfect

2005-06-08T10:03:00.000-06:00

God, I love this license plate. I simply must try to get this one.

Now That's Fucking Hot.

2005-06-07T18:26:00.000-06:00

"Well, if you're like me, you like two things, beautiful girls and rotting corpses". Yup, that's it. I don't know if it is real. It can't be. Can it? Real or not, It is something of note.

Girls And Corpses

Intel Inside?

2005-06-07T04:16:00.000-06:00

Time for some deep blue calculator in the pocket protector geekery. I am ironically watching Revenge of the Nerds 2 right now. After 2007 there will never be another reason to buy a computer that does not have the above logo on it. Why? Because after that, all Apple computers will have an Intel logo on them too. Until now, all Apple computers have used the Power PC chip in them. But it's just too fucking slow. There can be no Powerbook G5, unless you only expect to run it for one hour per charge. And no where near your lap, if you expect to be able to have kids afterwards. At the World Wide Developers Conference this was announced by a special Steve Jobs keynote address (Yes, I watched the entire 1 hour presentation, geekery, like I said). After explaining how difficult it would be for all the Mac programs to be ported to use on an Intel chip. He then revealed that "Mac OS X has been living a double life for 5 years", the entire time they have been making it so that they have versions of all the operating systems that can run on the Intel chip, "just in case". He then revealed even further that the entire presentation (which is always run directly on the Mac he uses on stage to show of their new shit), was indeed an Intel Macintosh. Beginning in mid 2006, Macintosh computers will begin shipping with Intel chips. 1 year from then, they will all be Intel Macs. They will be faster. They will be cheaper. And they will have bigger dicks. They won't be cheaper from the off, however, they will probably have to make up some of the money that this is going to cost them. They were the fastest growing computer company this year, so this is bound to slow them down for a bit. But, now when you go to the store to buy that new computer. In 2007 buy a Mac. Then you can just use both Windows and Mac OS X on it. However, if you buy a regular old PC, you cannot use the Mac OS X. This dipleased me at first. I was impotent for a short time. But then I bucked up when I realized I could just buy a better looking, more reliable, virus free computer. And then if I so desired, buy a copy of Windows and install it on there. But who wants to see a windows logo on the screen of a Mac? I shudder!

Cnet Article
Yahoo News Article
MSNBC Article
Watch The WWDC Steve Jobs Keynote Address

Krafty Fags

2005-06-06T19:17:00.000-06:00

Ah, The American Family Association. You crazy little christians. First it was parking breaks that you had a problem with (look below). Now it's Kraft Foods that you wanna fuck in the ass. Kraft Foods contributed $25,000 to the 2006 Gay Games in Chicago. Now I gotta question what it is that the "Gay Games" entails. However, it's cool with me. I don't really like playing games. Not those, I am guessing anyway. The Crazy Christian Association is now warning them that support of something so gay as that would be "dangerous". What will they think of next? No, really, where the hell do you go from here, boycotting the Catholic Church for wearing such gay outfits? Or, boycotting Jesus for wearing a dress, or, banning gay marriage while watching Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire? Oh, well, wait.

Link

So Much Blue, So Little Green!

2005-06-06T18:46:00.000-06:00

This a transversal slice of the Abqaiq oilfield in Saudi Arabia. One of the world's major oilfields. The blue is water which is pumped in to push the oil up. The oil being represented in green. The red is the gas cap of the oilfield. It would have likely been all red and green before pumping ever started. This is a perfect example of Peak Oil. Peak Oil (of the Hubbert Peak Theory as it is sometimes called) says that at some point with fossil fuels being finate, obviously, there will be a time which is the peak of oilfield production and after that killer cyborgs will take over the earth. No, wait, after we have reached the peak, we all fall down. Like a rollercoaster, with about the same comparitive speed. With population growth and increased global economic prosperity the amount of oil will drop much sooner than it took to get to the peak. This peak year can only be known after it has passed. The most influential organization researching this believes that the latest possible time this peak will be reached is 2007. Who disputes this? The United States Geological Survey does. Well, they are pretty big, maybe we should trust the USGS. OPEC even disagrees with them. Fucking OPEC. It is known that they even over estimate their production levels to avoid critics and lack of investment. That picture is fucking real. What is worse is that the picture is over a year old. The fact is that oil is going to run the fuck out. After that, Mad Max becomes a documentary.

Peak Oil article
The Wikipedia Peak Oil Article
Oil Drum Article

2005-06-06T18:24:00.000-06:00

The Washington Department of Licensing has revoked this license plate. I have no idea why.

Deep Throat Spits It Out

2005-06-06T18:13:00.000-06:00

W. Mark Felt. "I am the one they called Deep Throat". Named after the 70's porn flick. Of course. Felt was the Former #2 G-man in the FBI. Well, he is the main one anyway. Today we learn that he was actually just the head spokesperson of a small consortium of deep throated FBI agents. Their open motive: Nixon was attempting to abuse powers of the FBI to his own ends. Their private reason: They hated Nixon just like the rest of us. Many of the old guard of republican conservatives are freaking out. They think what he did was wrong. Fucking obviously. I mean, he did out their golden calf: Tricky Dick. It kinda does figure that a guy named Felt was called Deep Throat. This is # 1 of 3.

White Hoes on TV

2005-06-06T18:10:00.000-06:00

I love MSNBC. Click picture to see full size. Yes, it's real.

Drug Addicted Infant Terrorists, Yup!

2005-06-03T18:52:00.000-06:00

Supermarkets are starting to lock up baby formula in cases. Because apparently, babies are so addicted to this shit that they will steal tons of it. It is stolen and then sold on the black market or at $10 to $30 a can street value, it is returned at other stores for cash. Why was I not aware of this? You know it is a major drug in the United States when FBI Director Robert Mueller says that profits from sales of the baby formula on the black market have been used to fund Hamas and Hezbollah for terrorism. Where are the commercials on TV that tell me not to support terrorism by getting baby formula from flea markets?

Link

And I ran, I ran so far away

2005-06-02T23:19:00.000-06:00

I really didn't want to mention a story that none of us should even pay attention to. I hate news stories that aren't at all news. Today, Jennifer "Crazy Eyez" Wilbanks went to court for having lied to authorities when she phoned in her location after running out on her husband to be. She had claimed that she was kidnapped by a, .....you guessed, a minority male. Those fuckin' minorities, always not actually doing illegal things that white people accuse them of. Oh, Atticus Finch, where are you when we need you? You see, there is something interesting and ironic here. Upon going to court today, the woman who ran out on her to be betrothed the day before the blessed occasion, well, she wore a fucking track suit and running shoes to court. Track suit and running shoes. What are the odds?

Trust the drug

2005-06-01T18:36:00.000-06:00

Oxytocin is apparently a hormone in your head that makes you a trusting calm little evolved monkey. And scientists are going to feed you more of it. American and swiss scientists are currently testing the idea by giving participants in the experiment a nose spray (I hate taking those, it's so icky) of oxytocin. I don't trust it. However, it is apparently working. The recipients are apparently more likely to give their money over to total strangers without any guarantee of return. Why is it that they decide that the experiment should entail a pyramid scheme, what are they playing at here? Scientists are afraid of abuse of this new discovery by politicians. Of course. Well, I'll believe it when I take it.

Link