Thursday, May 03, 2007

The First Republican Debate: An Experiment In Live Blogging

Red ties a plenty they are lined up to convince me that Bush is wrong, but not too wrong.

6:17 - McCain really wants to attack Iran. And he get's Iran and Iraq confused, that seems to happen often lately huh?

6:18 - Tancredo of all people (my congressman), learns me some about Extreme Islam. It looks like he could use some Extreme Mountain Dew to stop mumbling.

6:20 - Is President Bush partly responsible for our problem? Answer: Let's avoid that.

6:20 - Romney, I will name every Muslim sect and hope I hit on one you already fear.

6:21 - McCain no likey Tancredo, but back to that tall islamic dude I will "follow to the gates of hell"

6:23 - Apparently everybody but Huckabee fears the Terminator. Protectionism, or Self Protectionism?

6:25 - Surprise, Giuliani thinks he was a good mayor, and fair to everybody, except ferret owners, fuck ferrets.

6:29 - Ron Paul: I want to kill the IRS?

6:30 - Surprise, everybody hates Roe v. Wade!

6:30 - Guiliani thinks this is a federalist government, he still doesn't know what Republican means does he!

6:30 - WOW, Tommy Thompson thinks abortion is a state's rights issue.

6:32 - Romney's second invoking of Reagan. The "I am the reincarnation of your golden god Ronald Reagan" has begun. And Romney explains that flip flopping is good when republicans do it. Which means that crap Dems will jump on a has been insult and use it until they realize that nobody wants last years political insults.

6:35 - McCain, why are you like Reagan? Answer: I'm old, I have experience, I know everything.

6:37 - Ron Paul, give me a Unified Field Theory of terrorism.

6:38 - Tommy Thompson, Do you hate fags? Answer, a little, but I am not going to say it.

6:39 - Romney: We want to choose a leader not based on what church they go to. Secret Meaning: I'm a morbot and please don't hold it against me.

6:40 - Brownback quotes "Senator Lieberman, a jew" to defend God in government. Nice one Brownback, very shifty.

6:43 - Gilmore, if elected president, will we have to deal with more Karl Rove? Answer: That's not the point, the point is various other things that aren't that question.

6:44 - Tancredo, same question. Answer: I don't like Karl Rove, and "I have never been this close to Air Force One" and I think I have an erection right now.

6:46 - Chris Matthews to Thompson: Say something, anything. Answer: I am in love with Ronald Reagan.

6:47 - To Brownback: Why is your party so corrupt? Answer: Hey, the Dems are corrupt too.

6:49 - Tancredo: I am not a centrist, neither was Reagan. Hint Hint!

6:49 - McCain gives me more Reagan Love Strokage.

6:50 - McCain will cut various miltary programs, BUT, he supports the troops lots and lots.

6:51 - Huckabee won't give Bush a grade on Iraq.

6:52 - Guiliani, your nuanced on abortion. Explain this complex idea of nuance. Why can't you just make your answer a simplistic sound bite I can print easily without having to type that much because I am a lazy journalist.

6:54 - Tancredo, I deserve to be here because I say plain non-political shit because I never actually want to win.

6:55 - McCain, give me a non-plain political answer to immigration that is totally the thing Tancredo just insulted.

6:57 - Ron Paul, name a moment that you had to make a quick critical decision. Answer: I think I will just drop the ball on this one as if I didn't understand the implications of what I just did.

6:58 - Thompson: I however will not drop the ball on this one, I made snap decisions all the time so I am clearly more qualified than that guy that can't even get into the next debate for reasons that are now more clear than ever.

6:59 - Embryonic Stem Cell research funded by the goverment OR please insult the wife of your golden god Ronald Reagan.

7:02 - Romney likes his health care work and he's funny. Somebody's winning.

7:03 - Why is McCain saying everything in that "read my lips, no new taxes" tone of voice.

7:04 - Romney parrots his favorite line about loving to veto things. Yay.

7:05 - Brownback references being killed in a DOA joke and proceeds to creep everybody out.

7:06 - Thompson goes the flat tax route. That's always NOT popular.

7:07 - McCain gives me more tax hating love.

7:08 - Ron Paul can you be more extreme in your tax ideas? Answer: No, I think I will make this my most sane answer of the night thank you.

7:09 - McCain give me some non-Lieberman Dems for your cabinet. Answer: I will name no one, no one.

7:10 - Do you believe in evolution? McCain, yes. Romney, no, surprise. Special Note: We are the country with the lowest number of it's citizens who believe in evolution.

7:11 - Guiliani, what is the difference between Sunni and Shia? Answer: Your not gonna fuck me, we figured out a few months ago that we have to know this shit now.

7:15 - Guiliani, what is your greatest weakness? Answer: I will fish for 30 seconds for multiple ways not to answer that sir.

7:16 - Tancredo: Will you protect womens rights (as in abortion)? Answer: I like womens rights, but, not reproductive rights. So, that would be a NO my dear congressman!

7:18 - National IDs Mr. Guiliani? Answer: Yes! I have done a lot of great work in security! Um, 9/11???

7:19 - Romney agrees, welcome to the police state kids. Show me your papers!!

7:19 - Brownback disagrees, and I still don't care who this guy is.

7:20 - McCain is for it, Ron Paul against it, surprise. Tancredo is against it. So, everybody who has no chance of winning is against it. Great!

7:21 - Oh, apparently it's only for the immigrants says Romney, Guiliani and Thompson. Xenophobia is now an American Value.

7:24 - Shivo, let's do it. Romney: Family yes, congress no. Brownback: "Her life is sacred". McCain: "In retrospect we acted too hastily". Guiliani: "courts".

7:25 - Would it be good for America for Bubba to be back in the White House? Answer: Are you crazy and why are you wasting our time by asking this question?

7:27 - Course correct, how will you be different? OR How will you NOT insult the current president? Answer: I will veto, Homeland Security, states rights, trade laws yadda yadda. Brownback actually agrees with Biden on Iraq but won't say it. More private health care, foreign relations, 9/11, 9/11, Guiliani was mayor on 9/11, 9/11, I have been brainwashed, 9/11, 9/11.

7:31 - Reagan, Reagan.

7:32 - I'm spent.

Wonkette's Live Blogging

And now the aftermath. Mentions of Reagan, 16 times, surprisingly low. Mentions of Bush, 4, not surprisingly low. I liked the format. I liked the whole moderator at a podium while another guy walks up on you and assaults you with another question and another guy waits at a desk covered in monitors to throw out the weird questions. It captured that rapid fire, multiple points of interest style that Chris Matthews is (in)famous for. I have heard lots of criticism about it in the past by such people as Jon Stewart, which I do agree with on the basis that it doesn't provide, much like tonight, for long form answer. But, in today's politics, which was so obvious in tonight's debate, when you give these party clowns too much time, they just run around in circles like my sister's retarded cat chasing it's tail. They proceeded to bitch and moan after the debate that they weren't given the time to explain their points fully. But, when they found themselves with even 2 seconds left they just repeated talking points over and over like an eighteen year old boy after his first fire fight suffering from PTS. Well, except for Mitt "The E-Meter Told Me So" Romney and Tom "Tommy Tanks" Tancredo. These guys frighten me. They frighten me because they are smart, they make their argument without repeating what the print out said. They also have the added appeal of the random pause, they will pause mid sentence and actually think about their answer. This is a technique in speaking that is not present in today's politics. They are smart, smart and wrong.

UPDATE 1: On the note of the evolution question. It was Brownback, Huckabee and (surprise) Tancredo that do not believe in evolution. My fucking congressman doesn't even believe in evolution. And Chris Matthews made a depressingly inaccurate statement as to it by saying, "I think that most Americans believe in evolution". No, you potato(e) eating scream junkie, the majority do not and it saddens me. I will go cry now.