Wednesday, June 29, 2005

The Phallus Of Freedom

The new design for the "Freedom Tower" is news. Not because it is actually being built. Because people are bitching. So I might as well join. It will have sixty-nine office floors. It has been redesigned to be strong enough to handle most "truck bombs". It has an air filtering system for chemicals and biological agents. It has also been designed with a dedicated firefighter staircase and "areas of refuge". Is this an office building or an economic bunker? I wouldn't want to work anywhere with "areas of refuge". Sure, it is better to be safe than sorry, but, this is a bit much I think. My real issue with this plan is the museum. It's supposed to be an "International Freedom Museum". This will include stuff about the nazis, the commies, the terrorists, and The War Of The Worlds. I have to be completely honest and say that I don't really want to walk into that place and see anything about the first World Trade Center. The last thing I want to see when I go inside a large building is video of the original ones falling down.
Notably rich bad combover man, Donald Trump has a better idea, of course he does. For such a small puckered fish faced mouth, he sure has a lot to say. He acutally went to all the trouble of designing the one that he wants. To his credit, he won't make a dime off of it. Actually he will lose some, that pretty little model he made had to set him back five or six bucks in cardboard and glue. This tard wants to build the exact same Twin Towers all over again, but with one more floor, and it would be a bit stronger. For thirty years it was talked about how ugly those stupid things were. Now that idiot wants to put them right back. I think they also looked bad on the skyline of NYC. But, it should have been our choice as to whether they needed to be redesigned, not some nutbar psycho with a pretend religious idea of authority.
All this is pointless. In the end they are going to build something under-sentimental and over-political. The only thing we have to look forward to is all the media capitalizing on the process. For the next ten years there are going to be enough documentaries about the building of it to choke 19 plane highjackers, or more. There are going to be models you can buy and build yourself much faster than they will. We will see at least one teamsters issue involving the mob. At least one fraud case is just totally fuckin' guaranteed. And in the end of course there will be "The Freedom Tower Memorial Dildo".

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Quick Question.

Why don't republicans have protest songs?

Monday, June 27, 2005

The Problem !

"We will see $60 oil before we see $40 oil", said an economist after the 70's oil shock. For the first time in history it is finally here. The price of a barrel of oil closed today at $60.54. Economists are blaming this on the election of ultra conservative Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to the presidency of Iran. He has already declared that everything oil related goes first and foremost to Iran itself. Iran also may not want to sell to america anymore at all. They have the second largest amount of oil fields in the world. Saudi Arabia is number one. He also likes nuclear weapons. The thing is, oil is finite, like gold. Gold goes up in value. Oil will also continue to go up in value. I am thinking that we will be going to war with Iran in about 2 years. Pictured above are cans of fresh beautiful tasty oil. The good news is that dented cans are half off.

The Solution !

This is the new Civic concept. It has Honda's new 2.2 liter i-CTDi diesel engine. Supposedly it will be faster and quieter than Volkswagon's 1.9 liter diesel engine. Honda is already winning cheasy useless awards for it's "Grrr" ad campaign. The commercial depicts loud engines flying through a cartoon world and then being destroyed by penguins and other such cutesy animals. All this set to music and lyrics saying "hate something, change something, make something better". There is also a game. It's also funny and drugged out. If I was looking at buying a new car soon, it would be this one. There will also be a petrol pumping version, but, fuck that.

Honda's Civic site
Honda's Grrr game

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Diary Of A Mad Black Woman

Forbes Magazine has decided that Oprah is the most powerful unimportant person in the world. She is not however powerful enough to persuade employees at Hermes (I don't really care what they sell there, because, I'll never be able to afford it) in Paris to open their doors after they were closed. She forgot that whether on Federal Blvd. or a street in a trendy shopping district in Paris, white people do not tend to open locked shop doors for black people.

However, Oprah has become too powerful, even for a "celebrity". She must be stopped. Besides, she hangs out with too many Scientology freakos. Which reminds me.....
To be continued.

Wired: Oprah Tops Forbes List Of Powerful Celebrities
MSNBC article about Oprah shopping while black

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

The Brain That Woudn't Die

America's favorite vegetable returns to the news for a big budget summer sequel. The autopsy and post mortem investigation of Terri Schiavo is out. In a statement made by the medical examiner Jon Thogmartin (silly name) "removal of her feeding tube would have resulted in her death whether she was fed or hydrated by mouth or not". All those idiots that were arrested walking into the hospital with a cup of water for their own selfish political reasons had no real value whatsoever. "The brain weighed 615 grams, roughly half of the expected weight of a human brain," Thogmartin said. "This damage was irreversible, and no amount of therapy or treatment would have regenerated the massive loss of neurons," he added. He went further by informing that the vision centers of her brain were dead. She was blind. This is actually funny because Senator Bill Frist, in an address on the senate floor, spoke of her persistent vegetative state. "I question it based on a review of the video footage which I spent an hour or so looking at last night in my office," he continued, "she certainly seems to respond to visual stimuli." Frist was a heart surgeon before turning pro as a crazy person and becoming the Senate Majority Leader. This guy just seems more stupid and crazy by the day. At the time many republicans, well, all of them, argued that it was essentially against God and her right to live if doctors were to remove her feeding tube. Of course there was no talk of the fact that if she had never been given the feeding tube in the first place, she would have died already. Maybe that was God's will. You can't use science to try to cure diseases through stem cell research, but, you can to artificially keep someone alive after they would have died naturally? Naturally being the key there.

I used that much younger picture of her for a few reasons. First the newer ones are ugly, and I want to try to retain some aesthetic value here. Secondarily, she was hot. I would have totally slept with her. Don't sit there and say "don't speak ill of the dead". I am not speaking "ill" of the dead, if first, I would have only slept with her when she was alive during the above time. And second, because the sex would have been good. Most news outlets used the newer ones, with one exception. Fox News only showed us what she looked like currently when they were showing the video that made it look as if she is actually conscious. Other than that, you would only see the younger more attractive ones. Why? Because, America only wants to save attractive people. And Fox News wants what republican americans "white christians" "who sodomize sheep and drink piss straight from the cock" want.

MSNBC article on autopsy results
MSNBC article on Frist's comments on the senate floor
Daily Kos article on the above

Satanic Polka

Seraphim Shock
June 18, 2005
8p.m. ish probably
Ogden Theatre
Ogden and Colfax
Denver, CO

A full denigration of the event and the people attending to follow.

The Bottle Of Vodka Said:

Why is it that friends, are most of the time, unfriendly.

A Message From Your Friends At Exxon: We Love Money.

Exxon Mobil has snatched up oil wordsmith Philip Cooney a mere week after resigning from the White House. Philip "oil even tastes good as an ice cream topping" Cooney decided to resign from his position as chief of staff to President Bush's Council on Environmental Quality. Exxon Mobil, the company that brought you drunken oil tanker drivers. Philip Cooney, as bitched about here earlier, the man that brought you edited scientific reports on climate change to lessen the feeling that global warming is real (92 degrees in one part of the country Tuesday, a 25% increase and a first in history). This is ironically the position of Exxon Mobil, the only oil company not investing in any renewable fuel research of any kind "because it is not profitable". They also happen to be the most monetarily valuable U.S. company who also happen to advise the White House on energy policies. Most notably not joining the Kyoto Accord. Philip Cooney and Exxon Mobil together at last. A match made in heaven. The heaven of the unfortunate losers from the thunderdome. This all fits perfectly with Exxon's new PR campaign that states, we are "making the largest ever investment in independent climate and energy research". The key word there is "independent", Exxon has been funding think tanks for years that support their theories when it comes to global climate change.

MarketWatch article

Smooth Criminal

You've been hit by
You've been struck by
A smooth criminal

So they came into the out way
It was sunday - what a black day
Mouth to mouth resus - citation
Sounding heartbeats - intimidations

So the only thing the jurors seem to agree upon besides Michael Jackson's 10 not guilty verdicts is that not one of them would allow their children to sleep in the same bed as a man who has naked pictures of 13 year old boys in his room. Some think that he has indeed molested children in the past. Just not the one in question. Most if not all believe the testimonies of other witnesses that came in and said that they had been molested before by His Creepiness of Pop, including a youth pastor. Talk about a conflict of interests. It took multiple votes and convincing to get to the point of those not guilty verdicts. In the beginning of deliberations they were split even, if not leaning guilty. In the end Michael Jackson was barely able to moonwalk through the small door of reasonable doubt. This one was solely decided upon just some small amount of reasonable doubt said one of the jurors who nonetheless thinks Michael "has a pattern of child molestation".

Shown on my TV while the verdict was being read, a crazy lady had brought a wooden cage of doves. She released one for every not guilty verdict. If Michael Jackson had been found guilty on all counts she would have slaughtered all of them in public effigy while smearing their blood on the faces of the wicked (jurors).

Many people who attended the after party at Neverland Ranch said it was a great party. They even hired strip little leaguers. Not many people got laid though. It was apparently quite a sausage fest. Well, a cocktail weenie fest anyway.

Monday, June 13, 2005

Beat It

So beat it, but you wanna be bad
Just beat it, beat, it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin' how fucky and strong is your fight
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right

By the way, not guilty on all 10 charges. On the 11th charge made by the media of "being just too damn weird". Guilty.

In what I can only assume is a totally related story, all playgrounds in Marin County are empty. There is a party at Neverland Ranch tonight. However, entrance is dependent on the sign on the front gate that reads: YOU MUST BE THIS SHORT TO RIDE.

Friday, June 10, 2005

The White House Is The Only Place On Earth Not Affected By Global Warming

Philip A. Cooney, chief of staff for the White House Council on Environmental Quality (fit that on the door to his office), has been busy correcting scientist's homework. To break it down to a Down Syndrome level, President Bush said he wanted to know more about climate change back in like 2001. Climate Change is what you are contributing to when you drive miles from your house to find a deforested forest that is clear enough for you to set fire to those old tires just sitting out in front of your other Hummer. Well, at any rate, when the Bush wants to learn more about something, he pays others to learn it and then explain it to him in the kinds of sound bytes he uses to educate those who drive their homes from far away to here him speak. And then there are more tire fires and that's the circle of life! Or the opposite of it. Sorry, back to doing science. The government then uses the "put a 1000 monkeys with a 1000 type writers in a room and they will create the greatest novel ever written" theory when it comes to science. The problem being that monkeys cannot operate a carriage return properly. The White House Council on Environmental Quality is handed a very large report on climate change by such crazy liberal whack jobs as the National Academy of Sciences as well as others. In summary, what do they say? We are fucking up the environment. Liberal fag lovers. Is there anybody else who agrees with the crazy rantings of these godless scientists? A few. Such as the National Academies of Science for all the G8 countries, along with those of Brazil, India and China. Well, if that's all. They had prepared a "statement, which has taken months to finalize" (months, I mean come on, months for a fucking statement). I guess the Bush would have learned all that he needed to know from those reports and statements from our own National Academy of Science, as well as from, like, the rest of the friggin' world. But no. This is where Philip A. Cooney (a serial killer name) comes in. He "reviews", as the white house put it, the reports on climate change. Then he passes it on to the President in 25 words or less I am guessing. By "review" they actually mean "edit", and by "edit", I mean fuck up like he is Kobe Bryant and the reports are white snow bunnies at an Aspen resort, an Aspen resort that will no longer be there for your children because all the snowcaps are melting. Except in the reports that come from the office of Cooney. According to documents obtained by the New York Times he would simply change certain vocabulary in the reports to make it so that the connections between fossil fuel use and global warming became further away and less clear (click on the picture for an example). Essentially putting in lots of "maybe" and "could" types of words where they were not before. The president's conclusion is now as it has always been that we need to do more research and until then, we don't need to move so quickly. Coincidentally, this is also the feeling of ExxonMobil, officially the United States' most valuable company at $379 Billion. ExxonMobil says that joining the Kyoto Accord "would be unjustifiably drastic and premature", duh. Also coincidentally, according to internal White House memos, they helped shape the White House view on the Kyoto Accord. The Kyoto Accord is what every other country that has ever even seen a car before is trying to get us to sign up with. It would reduce green house gases heavily over a period of a few years so that the movie Day After Tomorrow doesn't become a documentary. Mr. Cooney does not agree with this. Typically what the administration says of people appointed to these little White House positions is that, if you want someone to run the energy policy of the administration, they have to know the industry. For instance, if you want someone to run the FBI, it would be a good idea to get someone who is not a career criminal to do so. By this line of thinking, Philip A. Cooney is probably from some kind of Greenpeace tree hugging kind of thing, right? No, he is formerly a lobbyist of the American Petroleum Institute. Really, is that the best they could do? It's a little like having Scott Peterson do couples counseling. Or letting Michael Jackson run a day care center. In Utah this month it snowed, that has never happened before. Last year at this time it was snowing in Texas, also not very fucking common. In Florida, oh Florida, how I hate thee, they are getting ready to have an even worse storm season than ever before. Since when did they have a better one? These are not normal occurrences. The worst part is that the same people that say this is all part of the normal cycle of our planet, well, they think that god makes hurricanes come because he hates fags.

New York Times article on Cooney's revisions
G8 scientists warning to President Bush
The Guardian's article on Exxon's involvement

I Am Tom Cruise's Mid-Life Crisis.

Katie Holmes is not a corvette. He probably already has one. Katie Holmes is not a leather jacket. He already wears them often. At the time he was Jerry Maguire, she was Dawson's bitch. Yeah, this'll work out fine. At least they are probably the same height.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

It's Just So Perfect

God, I love this license plate. I simply must try to get this one.

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Now That's Fucking Hot.

"Well, if you're like me, you like two things, beautiful girls and rotting corpses". Yup, that's it. I don't know if it is real. It can't be. Can it? Real or not, It is something of note.

Girls And Corpses

Intel Inside?

Time for some deep blue calculator in the pocket protector geekery. I am ironically watching Revenge of the Nerds 2 right now. After 2007 there will never be another reason to buy a computer that does not have the above logo on it. Why? Because after that, all Apple computers will have an Intel logo on them too. Until now, all Apple computers have used the Power PC chip in them. But it's just too fucking slow. There can be no Powerbook G5, unless you only expect to run it for one hour per charge. And no where near your lap, if you expect to be able to have kids afterwards. At the World Wide Developers Conference this was announced by a special Steve Jobs keynote address (Yes, I watched the entire 1 hour presentation, geekery, like I said). After explaining how difficult it would be for all the Mac programs to be ported to use on an Intel chip. He then revealed that "Mac OS X has been living a double life for 5 years", the entire time they have been making it so that they have versions of all the operating systems that can run on the Intel chip, "just in case". He then revealed even further that the entire presentation (which is always run directly on the Mac he uses on stage to show of their new shit), was indeed an Intel Macintosh. Beginning in mid 2006, Macintosh computers will begin shipping with Intel chips. 1 year from then, they will all be Intel Macs. They will be faster. They will be cheaper. And they will have bigger dicks. They won't be cheaper from the off, however, they will probably have to make up some of the money that this is going to cost them. They were the fastest growing computer company this year, so this is bound to slow them down for a bit. But, now when you go to the store to buy that new computer. In 2007 buy a Mac. Then you can just use both Windows and Mac OS X on it. However, if you buy a regular old PC, you cannot use the Mac OS X. This dipleased me at first. I was impotent for a short time. But then I bucked up when I realized I could just buy a better looking, more reliable, virus free computer. And then if I so desired, buy a copy of Windows and install it on there. But who wants to see a windows logo on the screen of a Mac? I shudder!

Cnet Article
Yahoo News Article
MSNBC Article
Watch The WWDC Steve Jobs Keynote Address

Monday, June 06, 2005

Krafty Fags

Ah, The American Family Association. You crazy little christians. First it was parking breaks that you had a problem with (look below). Now it's Kraft Foods that you wanna fuck in the ass. Kraft Foods contributed $25,000 to the 2006 Gay Games in Chicago. Now I gotta question what it is that the "Gay Games" entails. However, it's cool with me. I don't really like playing games. Not those, I am guessing anyway. The Crazy Christian Association is now warning them that support of something so gay as that would be "dangerous". What will they think of next? No, really, where the hell do you go from here, boycotting the Catholic Church for wearing such gay outfits? Or, boycotting Jesus for wearing a dress, or, banning gay marriage while watching Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire? Oh, well, wait.


So Much Blue, So Little Green!

This a transversal slice of the Abqaiq oilfield in Saudi Arabia. One of the world's major oilfields. The blue is water which is pumped in to push the oil up. The oil being represented in green. The red is the gas cap of the oilfield. It would have likely been all red and green before pumping ever started. This is a perfect example of Peak Oil. Peak Oil (of the Hubbert Peak Theory as it is sometimes called) says that at some point with fossil fuels being finate, obviously, there will be a time which is the peak of oilfield production and after that killer cyborgs will take over the earth. No, wait, after we have reached the peak, we all fall down. Like a rollercoaster, with about the same comparitive speed. With population growth and increased global economic prosperity the amount of oil will drop much sooner than it took to get to the peak. This peak year can only be known after it has passed. The most influential organization researching this believes that the latest possible time this peak will be reached is 2007. Who disputes this? The United States Geological Survey does. Well, they are pretty big, maybe we should trust the USGS. OPEC even disagrees with them. Fucking OPEC. It is known that they even over estimate their production levels to avoid critics and lack of investment. That picture is fucking real. What is worse is that the picture is over a year old. The fact is that oil is going to run the fuck out. After that, Mad Max becomes a documentary.

Peak Oil article
The Wikipedia Peak Oil Article
Oil Drum Article

The Washington Department of Licensing has revoked this license plate. I have no idea why.

Deep Throat Spits It Out

W. Mark Felt. "I am the one they called Deep Throat". Named after the 70's porn flick. Of course. Felt was the Former #2 G-man in the FBI. Well, he is the main one anyway. Today we learn that he was actually just the head spokesperson of a small consortium of deep throated FBI agents. Their open motive: Nixon was attempting to abuse powers of the FBI to his own ends. Their private reason: They hated Nixon just like the rest of us. Many of the old guard of republican conservatives are freaking out. They think what he did was wrong. Fucking obviously. I mean, he did out their golden calf: Tricky Dick. It kinda does figure that a guy named Felt was called Deep Throat. This is # 1 of 3.

White Hoes on TV

I love MSNBC. Click picture to see full size. Yes, it's real.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Drug Addicted Infant Terrorists, Yup!

Supermarkets are starting to lock up baby formula in cases. Because apparently, babies are so addicted to this shit that they will steal tons of it. It is stolen and then sold on the black market or at $10 to $30 a can street value, it is returned at other stores for cash. Why was I not aware of this? You know it is a major drug in the United States when FBI Director Robert Mueller says that profits from sales of the baby formula on the black market have been used to fund Hamas and Hezbollah for terrorism. Where are the commercials on TV that tell me not to support terrorism by getting baby formula from flea markets?


Thursday, June 02, 2005

And I ran, I ran so far away

I really didn't want to mention a story that none of us should even pay attention to. I hate news stories that aren't at all news. Today, Jennifer "Crazy Eyez" Wilbanks went to court for having lied to authorities when she phoned in her location after running out on her husband to be. She had claimed that she was kidnapped by a, guessed, a minority male. Those fuckin' minorities, always not actually doing illegal things that white people accuse them of. Oh, Atticus Finch, where are you when we need you? You see, there is something interesting and ironic here. Upon going to court today, the woman who ran out on her to be betrothed the day before the blessed occasion, well, she wore a fucking track suit and running shoes to court. Track suit and running shoes. What are the odds?

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Trust the drug

Oxytocin is apparently a hormone in your head that makes you a trusting calm little evolved monkey. And scientists are going to feed you more of it. American and swiss scientists are currently testing the idea by giving participants in the experiment a nose spray (I hate taking those, it's so icky) of oxytocin. I don't trust it. However, it is apparently working. The recipients are apparently more likely to give their money over to total strangers without any guarantee of return. Why is it that they decide that the experiment should entail a pyramid scheme, what are they playing at here? Scientists are afraid of abuse of this new discovery by politicians. Of course. Well, I'll believe it when I take it.


The American Family Association hates parking brakes

The American Family Association is now boycotting the Ford Motor Company. Why? Well, apparently they like gay people. Yup, Ford is apparently a big gay car company. You want proof? Isn't it obvious. I really don't understand why this add is so offensive. Usually when I have an erection in a car, it turns out pretty good.