Sunday, August 21, 2005

The Priesthood: Reloaded

The catholic church is using this poster to promote the idea of the priesthood. Get it? Neo was a hero that fought against evil. You to can be a hero fighting against evil. The first problem I see here is that Neo was a messianic Jesus figure. He was worshipped and revered for his untold power. Considering the church's recent issues with looking too much like NAMBLA, do they really want to relate priesthood to a figure worthy of praise and awe. First that gives the priest too much power over the child. Second, that's worshipping false idols. Isn't that one of their sins or something. "If we can get kids to hang a picture of a priest in their room, we've done something huge" said father Meyer, the man who put this idea into motion. I agree with that, but not in a good way. When I was younger I put pictures of Pam Anderson on my wall. If I walked into a kids room and they had pictures of priests on their wall, that's a sign. What's next, a priest with a lightsaber, a priest dressed as Frodo?

Link to article
Via Cinematical

Friday, August 19, 2005

Breaking News: Eminem Does Drugs.

Eminem is undergoing treatment for a dependency on sleeping pills. Sleeping pills? Really? I figured it'd be like meth, e, acid, heroin, even weed for god's sake. That show's how much "street cred" Eminem doesn't have at this point. I mean, who get's addicted to sleeping pills? Only divas. Sleeping pills are for Mariah Carey and Marilyn Monroe. The man should be doing crank. Crank made from Sudafed and crack with too much baking soda. Now that would get him back that credibility. At this point, his only option is to get "assassinated".

Link to article

A Question For Anyone In New York.

Does Naked Cowboy get a lot of play?

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Jewish People Forced To Leave Parts Of Israel, Again.

Israel is "evicting" thousands of Jews out of the Gaza strip. Isn't "eviction" a little bit of an understatement here. I mean, eviction creates more of an idea in your head of being kicked out of your house/ apartment. Being forcibly moved halfway across your own country away from your home is a bit more to me. I am surprised I haven't seen even one "I got kicked out of Gaza and all I got was this complimentary yarmulka".

Link to article

Is This What You Want?

According to Playgirl Magazine. No, I don't read it. It has been determined that women are after men with chest hair, very little money, and love handles. "Metrosexuals are also out", women want men who are "rough around the edges". Playgirl is so convinced of their little reader poll that they are now searching for a new model to exemplify this. So if you happen to be a pathetic slob, your apparently a sexy bitch now. I don't put too much trust in the kinds of people that read Playgirl Magazine. They can't exactly be as hot as the girls in Playboy or else they would be having sex with those men instead of looking at them on glossy paper. But, if it is on the real, I won't be dating for a while. I don't have the ability to get love handles. I don't think that I am "rough around the edges". I don't actually understand the concept. I like bathing. I like grooming. I like working out for the sake of itself. I don't like fast food. I don't like pork, especially when you fry it and put it in a bag and sell it on the basis of eating it with beer and football. Go ahead and get the fat man. You'll come around once he starts cheating on you with big screen football at Hooters then comes home and beats you for being present. Then you'll want a guy that can spell chivalry. Apparently while I was laughing at Ricky Gervais in the office (top picture), women were getting off to him. Under this rule, he has to be like the sexiest man on television to women.

Link to article

Choose Sex

Across the pond they are thinking of reforming laws that currently prevent you from choosing the sex of your brand new baby. So now when going to the fertility clinic, you get to choose. I don't like it. This sounds like a bad idea. I don't know if this thing is legal or not in America. That would take research and I'm not a journalist. The law itself makes no difference to me anyway. It is the idea of being able to decide the future gender of your baby I don't like. I am all for using genetics to create a super intelligent super hot human race. Not in a nazi way. Just intelligence and hotness. We have to keep all the different races of people. That way I will still get some variety in women to date. They way we are having sex, we'll all be the same soon enough anyway. I wish it would have happened sooner though. That way I could have been likely born with a nice permanent tan. But alas, I must tan the old fashioned way. But I am getting off point. If people can choose the sex of their child, this really gonna fuck the world up. You see, in a relationship where the man is the dominant guys guy type of dude, he will want boys, lotsa boys. Firstly because he wants to raise men like him. Assholes. These are the types of guys that I hate. These are the kinda men that I got into daily fights with in high school. The future school shooting numbers alone are prohibitive. Secondly, no man wants to raise a girl. Unless he is gay. Every straight man has to face the fact that his daughter is one day going to be spread open by another man. No guy likes the idea of that. The opposite is true of women. A relationship where the woman is the more powerful force will produce more girls. Not the good kind either. They will be control freaks. They will have built in daddy issues because daddy was a pussy. These are the types of girls that almost hit you in the grocery parking lot and then smile innocently while laughing at your required dismissal of the situation. They will grow up to be the teenage controlling force of their home. They will all read Teen Vogue while seeing what color of tank top to wear with the same tight fitting jeans they are always wearing. They all look the same. And all girls are blonde now. What the fuck is that about? I don't have a problem with blondes, but this is getting silly. At any rate, the article claims that they will put into place, laws that require you to have a certain number of boys or girls to prevent such things from occuring. That will last no more than two years. When people want freedom, they tend to demand total freedom. And besides, that sounds a bit communist China to me. I happen to believe in the concept of population control to a degree. I also happen to be alone in this as I have realized. I guess the entire advancement of science and bio-engineering thing will help us as a nation have a nice little ethics war. That I am totally down for. We already have some very prominent republicans (Reagan's lady and Frist) changing their minds. I guess the advancement just has to be personalized. Like, pa is gonna die unless I can have your fetus's stem cells.

Link to article

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Jet Crash In Venezuela, 160 Dead.

A plane crashes in Canada and nobody dies. Complete 24 hour coverage of water hitting a plane wing ensues. A plane crashes in Venezuela, and what you get is three pictures and a small video segment with a pompus ass babbling about why planes fall like rocks lately. Unless it happens in North America, we just don't care.

Link to article

Are You A Gospel Singer? Probably Not.

But, if you are, Gospel Dream 2005 wants you. But not in a sexual way. It is a new show on the brand spanking (also not in a sexual way) channel, The Gospel Music Channel. I can't fucking wait. It is described as being American Idol-esque by just about every christian news source. Which is like, two christian news sources. I don't really read christian news sources, ever. If I did, I probably wouldn't think the following is funny. The show's host will be a "christian stand-up comedian". That is not actually a joke. It is exactly like American Idol with judges and all that. If I have to explain the concept, then just put the tin foil hat back on and fuck off.

"So you'll be the show's version of Simon Cowell?"-NYT

"No. 'American Idol' has Simon. 'Gospel Dream' has Satan". - Jonathan Slocumb (the host)

Indeed. Satan. "Brother Satan is always going to be around somewhere", said Slocumb (un-intended funny name I'm sure). Call or whatever your local cable provider to get this channel. I already did. I don't hate America, just americans.

Link to article

But, Where Do We Come From? Harvard Will Find Out.

It is the "Origins of Life in the Universe Initiative". Kinda wordy. The idea is that they are going to use cross specialty science to create a definate idea of the creation of life, as far as we know. I like the idea. I know a few people that don't believe in evolution. Then when you ask them why, they just get all uncomfortable. They don't want to say, "I just don't". Since so much of what would make up the history of the world and the life on it is discovered in different fields of super genius, this would bring them all together. Maybe now we can stop with this stem cell, abortion laws, ten commandments in the school while kids are praying to the picture of Bush in the classroom shit. I really hate people that sit and bitch about liberal universities while saving their money to send their kids to learn there so that they can get degrees in what they want their kids to learn and not ask questions. I don't hate America, I just hate americans.

Link to article

Friday, August 12, 2005

You Are All Fags

That's what James Dobson says. He may be what Erasure was talking about when he wrote the song, "I Love To Hate You". Oh, no wait that was gay lovers he was talking about. At any rate, Focus On The Family has a pretty little article entitled, "Is My Child Becoming Homosexual?" In case your son displays a few of the following qualities, you've got a little prepubescent queer on your hands.

-Strong feeling that they are "different" from other boys.
-A tendency to cry easily, be less athletic, and dislike the roughhousing that other boys enjoy.
-A strong preference to spend time in the company of girls and participate in their games and other pastimes.
-A tendency to walk, talk, dress, and even "think" effeminately

So, yeah, I listed only the ones that I displayed when I was a kid. Of course I always wanted to hang out with girls. The first time I fell in love was in kindergarten. Like me playing house with some girl is any different than what adults do. Only I think that the sex is better as an adult. "A tendency to be less athletic"? So, because I sucked so bad at baseball that the coach wouldn't put me in, I have to be gay now? Usually in children's baseball, the father complains when the coach won't put their kid in, my dad was the coach. Next, a strong feeling that they are "different" than other boys. Isn't that the entire concept of parenting since like WW2. Every kid is so special that at the end of the baseball season, everyone who even played get's a trophy. This everybody is special and deserves to be an astronaut or the president attitude is what makes them start crying all the time anyway. And it's these same parents that keep saying, "not my child" whenever they hear about a teen overdosing or killing half their classmates in a drunk car wreck or a misguided school shooting. Also, the roughhousing thing, so I don't like getting the shit kicked out of me and getting bruises. Those boys end up either, A) getting violent whenever drunk and beating their wife, which they probably date raped into submission the first time they ever went out, Or B) Killing some guy in a violent act of sexual confusion, ala American Beauty. Lastly, walking, talking or otherwise "thinking" effeminately. I like being clean. I like dressing at least somewhat well. I like washing my hands an inordinate number of times a day. I did wear skirts in high school at random, but that was a fashion thing. And it got me lots of girls and when you're both wearing skirts, there is no taking off of clothes needed for sex. And I like to moisturize, blow me. Gay or straight, it's actually something that I don't think has definate markers in childhood. When it comes down to it, if you are a guy, when you decide you want to have sex, if you like dick, your gay. If I could fall in love with a girl before even knowing what sex is, I can only assume that it would be the same for gay people.

Link to the land of no sanity, (the article).

Monday, August 08, 2005

Rubber Johnny

Johnny is hyperactive.
Johnny is a mutant.
Johnny has a dog.
Watch it.
Figure it out yourself.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Banksy Vacations In Israel

"The ultimate activity holiday destination for graffiti writers". That is what Banksy considers the wall. He condemns the construction of the Israeli Wall. I also happen to think that fences may make good neighbors, but walls are made to be torn down. Or in this case, peeled away. Nine paintings on the Palestinian side (the party side I'm told). Apparently Israeli security forces even trained guns on him and fired in the air threateningly. I can't wait till our own Colorado congressman Tancredo gets his wall built for Mexico. At least Israel's reasoning is to defend against suicide bombers. Tancredo just hates mexicans.

The Wooster Collective for better photos
BBC News article


First things second. I am doing this post to do the post directly after this. I figure, before telling you the super genius thing that Banksy did a few days ago, I better tell you who he is. Well, sorta. Nobody know who he is. Most importantly, the authorities of England don't know who he is. Banksy is, in loose terms, a graffiti artist. But more so, he is simply a damn good artist. The picture directly above was planted in the Natural History Museum in New York. "Withus Oragainstus" was removed from the museum after being planted. It's a dead beetle with missiles and a satellite dish glued onto it. On the same day, in New York, Banksy planted five works in five different museums. He is well known for his stencil work in London and Bristol, England. He has turned down a deal with Nike. He get's 25 grand or higher for a canvas. Members of Portishead and Massive Attack have been seen buying his works at shows. The night before the Tuner Prize at the Tate gallery in London, he stenciled "mind the crap" on every step leading to the doors. And then this year, he vacationed in Israel...

Wiki article on Banksy

Vodka Induced Stream Of Consciousness, Minus Spell Check, Because You Don't Spell Check Drunk

But, then where do you find the pure girl. No, I don't mean virgin. I mean pure. In this brave new world where she can sleep with as many men as I can sleep with girls and it's still all alright. Is she just an endangered species. Our super accelerated media culture has hunted her to near extinction. I have made mistakes with first and last names. Does she have to have made as many. Does that even the odds. It starts so pretty, then turns so dirty. Someone always loses. Someone always hurts. There are no mutual agreements. Someone always compromises all the compromises. Someone always loses all that can be lost. Even when hurt her, I bleed from her wound. I hurt her pain. The empathetic are pathetic. Wher are the pure. Their not drunk in strobed lit clubs. Their not reading in the places of the read. Their not walking on the streets tread by those you know. Their hiding in those places I haven't searched. I'm an urban explorer. No artifacts. No credit. No tenure. No degree. I have only an associates in associating. I'm losing the battle of the sex. A wounded soldier constantly searching for bandages, I keep ripping out the sutures. Her Unknown. Where do I find Her Unknown. She is always unknown to me. When I find a her, she becomes known. Then I don't want to know her anymore. I am always trying to de-mystify the mystery. When it's all plain and simple it just isn't interesting anymore. Paradoxical ventrical. How can something so tangible be so endless? Where does love stop? Why does it stop? Where is the stop sign? I need glasses. I need bifocals, I need to see what's in front of me and distant. Why can't I be as sure about any girl as Loyd Dobbler was about one? He just knew. I never know. If I just filmed my life then it could have a happy ending. No picket fences, just a no seat belt sign. A flight from prosecution, a flight to freedom. Aortal freedom. As I write this call, the crickets are calling. I live in a place where the dominant nighttime sound is a cricket. There is something wrong with that. Where I am right now, the only animal or human saying what I am saying is a bug. The vodka is gone. Loyd Dobbler, I am assuming, never became a kickboxing champion (it wasn't, apparently, the sport of the future). As well as, I am not a champion of love. I do not champion it because it always beats me. And the simple fact is, when someone constantly beats you at something, you stop playing against them. Women are just better at this than I am. Maybe they deserve to be the ones that can leave and come back at will. I guess I just have too much will for that then. If the women want all the power they are going to have to use it. It's their turn to approach the men. I am tired of it. I have been doing that for enough years already (really only a few). It's her job at this point. All the hers. Her Unknown, a self fulfilling impossibility. Maybe Loyd Dobbler was right. He fell in love with such a shallow character. Say Anyhting. Seriously, say anything.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Dave Chapelle IS Crazy

I told you so. "Chapelle Show is over, man. Done." That is what Charlie Murphy has had to say about the lack of the show on the Comedy Central line up. If I have to explain who he is, then just stop reading and go away. Aside from thanking the show for what it has done for his career, he called it the "Tupac of TV shows". The network chief of Comedy Central has not been in communication with Chapelle since June 3. I just wonder how long we are going to have to wait to see or buy what will inevitably be called "the lost episodes".

Link To Article

No Buildings Were Harmed During The Crashing Of This Plane

An Air France plane fell out of the sky on Tuesday. Traffic was unaffected.

Monday, August 01, 2005

Senator Bill Frist M.D. Takes The Hypocritic Oath

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist spoke on Thursday on legislation that would be passed on Friday to prevent people from suing gun maufacturers in the event that their product is used in a crime. Proponents say, "industry can't be held responsible for the actions of people who use their products illegally". I agree, unfortunately, I also agree that this is true of people who use technology to download illegal and copyrighted content on the internet. The DMCA has been used to sue technology companies who create things that can be used in illegal ways. Many of the same people who support this gun legislation have also publicly supported legislation to clarify that the DMCA can be used to sue tech companies for their own products uses. We also have the broadcast flag which is waving happily due to these same votes in the senate. Also this weekend, Frist has decided that he supports government funding of stem cell research. Everybody thinks he is so special because he is at odds with the president on this issue. In reality, he is against abortion and for the death penalty. So, to get this straight, he doesn't want you to get an abortion, but if you do by some chance do this, he wants your fetus. And, if you raise your fetus and it ends up killing other fetuses (fetuses? feti?), he wants to execute it. Culture of life indeed. I don't agree with the fact that apparently we all need guns to be secure. We could just be like Japan and not have any at all. We could all just use martial arts. Cause of death, flying crane kick. I support abortion and stem cell research, but, am conflicted on the death penalty. It seems like more than a penalty. I'm conflicted on some political issues, but not as badly as Bill Frist would seem to be.

Frist speaks on gun legislation
Senate passes gun legislation
Frist announces support of stem cell research