The White House Is The Only Place On Earth Not Affected By Global Warming
Philip A. Cooney, chief of staff for the White House Council on Environmental Quality (fit that on the door to his office), has been busy correcting scientist's homework. To break it down to a Down Syndrome level, President Bush said he wanted to know more about climate change back in like 2001. Climate Change is what you are contributing to when you drive miles from your house to find a deforested forest that is clear enough for you to set fire to those old tires just sitting out in front of your other Hummer. Well, at any rate, when the Bush wants to learn more about something, he pays others to learn it and then explain it to him in the kinds of sound bytes he uses to educate those who drive their homes from far away to here him speak. And then there are more tire fires and that's the circle of life! Or the opposite of it. Sorry, back to doing science. The government then uses the "put a 1000 monkeys with a 1000 type writers in a room and they will create the greatest novel ever written" theory when it comes to science. The problem being that monkeys cannot operate a carriage return properly. The White House Council on Environmental Quality is handed a very large report on climate change by such crazy liberal whack jobs as the National Academy of Sciences as well as others. In summary, what do they say? We are fucking up the environment. Liberal fag lovers. Is there anybody else who agrees with the crazy rantings of these godless scientists? A few. Such as the National Academies of Science for all the G8 countries, along with those of Brazil, India and China. Well, if that's all. They had prepared a "statement, which has taken months to finalize" (months, I mean come on, months for a fucking statement). I guess the Bush would have learned all that he needed to know from those reports and statements from our own National Academy of Science, as well as from, like, the rest of the friggin' world. But no. This is where Philip A. Cooney (a serial killer name) comes in. He "reviews", as the white house put it, the reports on climate change. Then he passes it on to the President in 25 words or less I am guessing. By "review" they actually mean "edit", and by "edit", I mean fuck up like he is Kobe Bryant and the reports are white snow bunnies at an Aspen resort, an Aspen resort that will no longer be there for your children because all the snowcaps are melting. Except in the reports that come from the office of Cooney. According to documents obtained by the New York Times he would simply change certain vocabulary in the reports to make it so that the connections between fossil fuel use and global warming became further away and less clear (click on the picture for an example). Essentially putting in lots of "maybe" and "could" types of words where they were not before. The president's conclusion is now as it has always been that we need to do more research and until then, we don't need to move so quickly. Coincidentally, this is also the feeling of ExxonMobil, officially the United States' most valuable company at $379 Billion. ExxonMobil says that joining the Kyoto Accord "would be unjustifiably drastic and premature", duh. Also coincidentally, according to internal White House memos, they helped shape the White House view on the Kyoto Accord. The Kyoto Accord is what every other country that has ever even seen a car before is trying to get us to sign up with. It would reduce green house gases heavily over a period of a few years so that the movie Day After Tomorrow doesn't become a documentary. Mr. Cooney does not agree with this. Typically what the administration says of people appointed to these little White House positions is that, if you want someone to run the energy policy of the administration, they have to know the industry. For instance, if you want someone to run the FBI, it would be a good idea to get someone who is not a career criminal to do so. By this line of thinking, Philip A. Cooney is probably from some kind of Greenpeace tree hugging kind of thing, right? No, he is formerly a lobbyist of the American Petroleum Institute. Really, is that the best they could do? It's a little like having Scott Peterson do couples counseling. Or letting Michael Jackson run a day care center. In Utah this month it snowed, that has never happened before. Last year at this time it was snowing in Texas, also not very fucking common. In Florida, oh Florida, how I hate thee, they are getting ready to have an even worse storm season than ever before. Since when did they have a better one? These are not normal occurrences. The worst part is that the same people that say this is all part of the normal cycle of our planet, well, they think that god makes hurricanes come because he hates fags.
New York Times article on Cooney's revisions
G8 scientists warning to President Bush
The Guardian's article on Exxon's involvement
posted by Ash @ 3:12 AM
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